Secret Desires

✧ 19: The Light, The Dark

✧ December 24th

  I hadn't been asleep for long. My body had only been tired enough to take a nap. I was up earlier than anyone else. About twenty minutes after I'd made coffee and sipped on it at the dining room table, Dani and Claudia were walking into the kitchen. Dani saluted me as she headed for the fridge.

"Morning, sweetie," Claudia said as she came toward me. I smiled in greeting, as she came to sit at the table with me. Normally she was wide awake at this time. But she seemed exhausted.

"Morning," I said. "How did you sleep?" She was staring at Dani, watching her as she poured herself a glass of juice. Claudia didn't answer my question. Instead, she reached toward me and placed a hand over mine. It was a long couple of seconds before she looked my way again, seeming to struggle to tear her gaze away from Dani.

"Will you help me make the french toast? Maybe some bacon and eggs too?" There was a pleading undertone that was hard to miss. I put on a smile and nodded in answer. She squeezed my hand, smiling back in thanks. It didn't reach her eyes.

"I can cut some fruit up too," I offered. Claudia nodded, taking her hand back to rise from her seat.

"Sounds like a plan. Let's try and get it all done before everyone else wakes up." I nodded again, taking another sip of my coffee while it was still hot. It was good. Jill's mom had brought coffee that tasted like a cinnamon roll. I had gone the extra mile to make it a little more sweet. There had been whipping cream that Claudia brought to make pasta, and vanilla extract that my mother brought for cookies that she wanted to make. The whipping cream with some vanilla and a spoonful of sugar frothed together made a sweet cream that had my tastebuds dancing in my mouth.

"What can I do?" I was setting my mug down by the microwave when Dani asked her mom what she could do to help. Claudia looked around with her hands on her hips. There was plenty that Dani could do, but it didn't seem like Claudia wanted her in the kitchen at all.

"Can you grab me the butter and milk? I'll need vanilla and the eggs too." Claudia smiled at Dani before turning away to grab bowls and utensils. I started looking for a cutting board and a knife. Fruit was an easy thing to do. So were eggs and bacon. I knew how to make French toast, but it wasn't something I was confident in actually doing. I was leaving that all to Claudia.

Once I found a cutting board and a knife, I started pulling fruit from a bag my mom brought and began cutting chunks and slices of bananas and strawberries. Claudia gave me a bowl to collect everything. She suggested that I wash some blueberries as well. I nodded, moving to do so. As I washed more fruit, I noticed Dani cracking eggs into a bowl, struggling to not break the shells so much. She kept cursing under her breath every time a shell fell in.

Claudia offered to do it for her and maybe Dani could help toast some bread before it went in the mixture. I didn't even know toasting it was an option.

"I got it," Dani said a bit frustrated. "I can crack eggs."

"I know, but toasting the bread would be easier. Let me do that and you can do this instead."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, but- " An egg slipped from Dani's hand, falling to the floor and breaking open. It was quiet as we stared down at the broken shell. There was yolk pushing out and oozing toward Dani's bare foot. I stared at Claudia as she stared at her daughter like she was going to break. I didn't feel like Dani was close to the edge like that. I knew what it was to be set off by the tiniest inconvenience, but this didn't seem like one of those times.