Secret Desires

18: Unfamiliar Territory

        I paused the video I was watching on my phone as a knock sounded at my door. I tucked my phone into my clutch as I ran to the entryway. The sound of my heels clicking on the floor echoed throughout the house. I wiped my hands on my dress, drying them off. As I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, I opened the door slowly.

       He had been looking across the street before turning to face me. Seeing him out of uniform was always refreshing. But seeing him dressed up gave me butterflies. His pants, his shoes, his button-up; all of it black. All except for the red tie around his neck. The rancher and police officer I've come to know was elsewhere tonight. Wherever we were going must be fancy. I had no idea where he was taking me, but I was told to wear a dress.

       He gave me a quick once-over before meeting my gaze. I was a little disappointed that he hadn't spent more time looking at the dress I was wearing. It was one of the three dresses I had hanging in my closet. Four if I counted the red dress Drew gave me. I chose to wear a simple black dress that hadn't been appropriate for anything. I only wore it once and that had been when I tried it on in the store a while ago. Tonight though, I finally got to wear it.

       I had been eager for David to see it. I spent time on my eyeliner, making sure both wings matched. My hair had been curled using my mothers' curler and then brushed into thick waves. I even used hairspray to make sure the waves would stay intact for tonight. I think maybe that was why I was a little more than disappointed.

       "Are you sure you still wanna go out tonight?" He asked. I nodded, tightening my grip on the door. Today had been not so great. After my visit to the girls' bathroom, he'd walked with me and Bailey to the auditorium. It had been a quiet and awkward walk. When David told Ms. Serdol that I was late because I got sick, she sent me to the nurses' office. Then they called my mother to let her know I had thrown up and didn't look so good.

       I decided that when my mother left work to come get me, I wouldn't be upset about missing school for the day. In fact, it was probably a good thing considering what I had to deal with today. Christopher had crossed a line and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt weak. There was nothing I could do except stand there. He was angry and even though I hadn't been the one to make a scene at the cafe, he blamed me for it. I knew he blamed me for more than just that.

       I had no idea what he said to me earlier, but I heard him say he lost his job because of me. I hadn't even said anything to him yesterday, yet I was to blame. How did that make sense? It wasn't long before Jill was texting me, asking me about what happened earlier. I'd called her once I was home and told her all that happened. It had been a brief interaction, but it left a mark.

       She said she wanted to do something, but I told her to leave it alone. That she would only make matters worse. I told her that I could handle it, but I knew that was a lie. I couldn't handle anything. I needed a babysitter just to feel safe at school. David only came back because of me. It wasn't because it was some great job opportunity. He probably hated it there, but he dealt with it.

       My mother had stayed home with me until about two hours ago when she left for work. I asked her why she was leaving and she said she had to make up for the shift she left. I hadn't meant for her to miss work. I honestly felt bad about it, but she reassured me before she left that it was fine. Still, that small bit of guilt lingered. Her leaving meant that I would be home alone. Which had been one of her concerns before.

       Me telling her that Jill was coming over after school had been enough for her to leave not as worried. I was certain Jill wouldn't mind a sleepover tonight. But first, I had a date with David.