Secret Desires

31: Troubled

        "Keep me posted." David tossed his phone on the bed and returned to his spot before me. I was sitting on the bed, staring down at my hands. David was knelt down in front of me, his hands on either side of me on the comforter. He was telling me something, but I wasn't listening. I was going over the phone call that changed everything.

       Jake had called David and told him to step into another room. David didn't. I whispered to him to put the call on speaker and he did. Jake's next words made my blood run cold.

       Nolan is gone.

       There were countless calls after that. Officer Rhodes called to officially inform David of what was happening. David was given the task to stay with me until he was told otherwise. He was to keep an eye on me tonight and further details would be given later. David called my mom and told her what was happening. He called his parents to keep them in the loop. Jake called again once he was done talking to the police at his house. There were more calls after that, but I stopped paying attention.

       I just sat and stared down at my hands. I was just getting to a place where my body was a healthy weight. Some of my old clothes fit a bit better now. But I was weak. I couldn't defend myself from any threat. I never stood up against Nolan because I knew I would regret it. He was stronger than me. I think everyone was stronger than me. In the fights that I've been in, I always tired faster than the other person. Sometimes I got winded just from going up a flight of stairs. I was weak and out of shape.

       "Talk to me," David whispered. His hand reached up to push the hair away from my face. I let him. He lifted my chin to meet his gaze. He looked concerned. I wasn't sure what it was that I felt.

       "Would he come for me?" It took him a moment to answer me.

       "We're taking precautions in case he does. But I don't think he will. Pierce seems to believe that Nolan was probably overwhelmed about seeing his dad yesterday... Maybe he just needed to be somewhere else. But either way, he violated the conditions of his furlough. He's facing five to six years. That's not including any other charges he may get for any stunts he pulls." This was meant to make me feel better, but it didn't. Knowing where Nolan was had given me more reassurance than this.

       "Should I be worried? Should I be scared?" Because right now I felt like a movie I was watching had been paused and I'm supposed to know what happens next. I have no idea what happens next. His thumb traced softly along my jawline.

       "Nolan said goodbye to a man who from what I've heard... treated him like shit most of his life. But he's still his father. That man is the only parental figure Nolan has had in his life. I'm sure he's having conflicting feelings about it. Maybe being around his brother wasn't helping so he ran... I don't know, I'm just guessing. But if I'm not too concerned about it then neither should you. Okay?" Maybe David was right.

       Maybe this had nothing to do with me. Nolan said goodbye to his dying father. Maybe he's going into a dark place and needs help. Maybe I should feel sorry for him. Do I feel sorry for him? Whatever it was I felt in my gut, maybe that was empathy for the monster. I don't know.

       I nodded, trying to see things from where David was seeing them. I had to stay... positive about all of this. Nolan was gone. And it had nothing to do with me. Nolan was gone. And he could be facing more than five to six years in prison. Nolan was gone. And I shouldn't worry about it.

       "Okay," I murmured. David smiled at me, nodding. When his phone rang, he picked it up from the bed to answer it, not pulling away from me. It was my mother, calling to check on me. David put the phone on speaker. We could hear her cursing as she honked at someone. She was obviously speeding.