Secret Desires

✧ 20: Yours Always

✧ December 24th

  I took a deep breath before getting the courage to open the bedroom door. The light was off. My head was down as I stepped in, turning my back to the darkness. I quietly closed the door, biting my lip when I heard it click. I locked it and that click had been even louder. I might as well have shouted what was happening right now. I was trying to find the strength to turn around, but I was struggling. My hands were on the door as I tried taking deep quiet breaths. But they were loud and heavy and seemed to echo around me.

My mind went blank when there were suddenly hands at my shoulders, moving down my arms just before my elbows. I lifted my head but didn't turn around. I could feel my heart beating hard inside of me, feel the pounding in my head as he leaned down to my right ear.

"I'm staying in here tonight. Unless you tell me otherwise." The last part was a question more than a statement. He was asking for my permission. He had it. I didn't care what his intentions were. I welcomed him entirely.

"Was this your idea or Layla's?" My voice was breathy and wavering. I didn't bother trying to hide what he was doing to me with just a simple touch.

"She offered to switch rooms before we came on the trip." I turned around at that, his hands dropping from my arms. He was in his usual night attire—Pajama pants and a plain T-shirt. He looked as if he'd taken a shower. His hair was still damp and he smelled more than clean. He smelled good.

"Why? Did she think we were going to- "

"No. Not because of that," he stopped me, amusement playing on his lips.

"Then?" David took my face into his hands as he did the night before. I would melt into his touch if I lost control of myself. I just wanted to rip his clothes off. I bit my lip, trying to stay tethered in this spot and not letting myself get carried away with what I wanted to do. I still had no idea what we were doing, but we were crossing into territory that neither of us was familiar with when it came to each other.

"I like falling asleep next to you, that's all. I didn't know anything was going to happen between us. I don't expect anything either way. But if you prefer that I not be here tonight, then- "

"Can I shower?" He was taken aback by my question. The amusement only grew. I pushed his hands away from my face, narrowing my eyes at him. "Not for that reason," Though it wouldn't hurt to be clean for that. Not that it would happen. But if it did. But what if it didn't? What if-

No. Stop freaking out. It doesn't matter. Falling asleep next to him sounds perfect. And it was definitely the perfect gift.

"Sure," he chuckled. "Take your time." He moved aside to let me pass. I used every bit of confidence I had to walk to the dresser like I wasn't phased by him being here alone in my room with me. I pulled my drawer open, acting as if I wasn't listening to him shuffle around behind me. I moved around my sleeping shirts and shorts, trying to decide what to go to bed in. I didn't want anything baggy, but that's what all these shirts were.

I swore under my breath until I came across a pink tank top that I was going to wear under a hoodie I brought. Beside that was a pair of boyshorts. I had my hand on the two, unsure if this was what I was going with. It was normal to sleep in your underwear. This wasn't a big deal. I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. I didn't need to be worried about a pair of underwear right now. I was wasting the time I was given with David by standing here debating whether or not my clothes mattered.

I shut the drawer, not looking back at him as I went into the bathroom. I flicked the light on with a shaky hand, trying to keep my cool. When I closed the door behind me I started freaking out, silently screaming at myself in the mirror that was fogged over except for a small section where a hand had wiped it clean. When I got it out of my system I tossed my change of clothes on the toilet and turned the shower on. Not only did David shower before bed, but he showered here. I could smell his shampoo before spotting the bottle on the ledge. I felt my stomach flipping at the thought of him in here only moments before I had decided to go to my room.