Am always with you.....

Chapter 20

Ben

We decided to meet Isha after her class. Krish messages her and asked when her class was going to end- at around 5 pm. We waited under the tree until 4:45 and then Krish led me towards their classroom. The professor left the room after the bell rang; followed by the students in a few moments.

Isha came out hurriedly, "Let's go! I am very excited!"

But I'm scared! God, help me!

We sat in the café near our college, ordered some beverages. I started the conversation.

"Well, Isha, I have something to confess."

"Hmm. I can guess it from the vibes you both are giving."

"You know that Zach is gay."

"Yes."

"You know that he is dating Yash."

"I know that he is dating somebody."

"And now he has broken up with him."

"What? Why?"

"Because he likes someone else."

Making a crooked face, "Why didn't he tell me?"

I spurted, "Because........that person is me."

"Oh, I see. Wait, WHAT?!"

She was angry than she was stunned. She just couldn't digest that she didn't observe this earlier.

She will lose her nuts after I tell her about me.

"Yes. And I like him, too."

Isha smacked me. "Stop joking. If you don't have anything to do, help me with my homework."

"Isha, just listen to him. It took him lots of efforts to come up to you.", Krish supported me.

Isha said with anger, "Fine, go on."

I went on with my tale. Her anger seemed to reside as I continued my story.

After a long sigh, Isha said, "Ben, your story seems like a movie."

"Yeah. Sometimes even I don't believe it. But I am very happy that it is real."

"I can see that. No wonder you were bouncing like a puppy all day."

"Now you are exaggerating. But that's not the point. I want to know what you think about this."

"What's there to ask Ben? It doesn't matter what I think. It's your life. Who am I to judge it?"

"Well, you can if it does. It matters to me what my friends think about us, especially you lot."

Isha said with a laugh, "Then, I think that you are a fool who is going after another one! All the best to you both!"

Her smile made me relax. The strength I got from their acceptance is enough for me to fight with upcoming challenges.

"This is not the end. I need your help."

"For what? Tell all this to Nitin?"

"Yes." I stuttered.

"It will be difficult, but he will come around. Don't worry, I am in."

We came up with a plan to tell Nitin. Like Isha said, it would be difficult, but not impossible. He might feel betrayed and left out, but if I delay because of this, it would be worse. We decided to tell him by testing the waters first- what he thinks about same sex couples. But the question is- who will approach him with this topic?

The next day, when we were waiting for lunch, Isha, who was sitting beside him, started the topic.

"Look Nitin, such a cute Korean couple!"

He replied lazily, "Show me." And he did see the photo- with no reaction.

"This is a couple?" was a question from him as casual as asking someone's health.

I was getting nervous & gloomy. What if he can't accept our relation? What if he leaves the gang? What if he cuts the ties with Krish & Isha because of us? All these questions ran through my head, making me dizzy. This was not just about me & Zach; it might affect everybody.

Isha poked the topic, "Wow Nitin, I never thought you would be open to this taboo topic."

Nitin shrugged, "It's not that I am open, I just don't care. I have no contact with them whatsoever. And will never have."

Isha looked at me- worried eyes. Krish, who was beside me, patted my back.

I don't think I can convince him before Zach comes.

"Still, somebody you know might turn out to be queer. You never know."

"But I don't know that 'somebody', and that is a fact."

"Hmmm. And what if there is someone?"

He glanced around the table, "How can you be so sure?"

"Just answer my question."

"Look, I don't know. I never gave it a thought. And you probing this so much means that something is wrong. Now, please let the cat out of the bag."

This is not what we planned! Isha!

Krish, "Fine. If you are that curious, I'll tell you. I pray & hope that you can handle this."

I held her hand to stop her, but she patted my hand and gave me a keen look.

"There is such a couple amongst us. Zach & Ben."

Nitin widened his eyes. My tension increased proportionately with his increasing inhales.

"They like each other. Since this might now affect the group, Ben decided to tell this to us."

I interrupted, "Nitin, I apologize for not telling this. Whatever the reason, you have the right to know. And I didn't want to delay this."

Nitin raised his hand, "Stop this, will you? Why didn't you just hide it? Why bother telling us? So that you don't have to go through the trouble of hiding your relationship? Or are you collecting support?"

"Nitin watch your tongue. Listen to him before getting mad."

"Isha, shut your mouth. All of you shut your mouths! I think you all are done talking, now it's my turn."

Nitin exploded. I could understand his anger, and I was more worried about what he will be feeling about this later.

"Ben, you tell me, we spend 5-6 hours together. Didn't it struck your mind to share such a big thing with me? All this just means that you don't find me trustworthy. I don't expect much from Zach, but you have disappointed me."

Krish was about to say something, but I held her back.

He got up, and said while picking his bag, "Now that Ben & Zach have turned bad apples, why don't you both also do the same?"

"Fuck yourself Nitin! You have no right to say such things to them!" Isha was getting out of hand. But, Nitin was already out of eyesight. Dejected, all 3 of us got some tea & tried to analyse what had happened.

I said in deep voice, "We need to speak to him. He has misunderstood things. If we don't clear it now, he will build castles."

"The hell with him! What does he think of himself?! I understand we kept him in dark, but that doesn't mean he won't give you a chance to put your side! Even we didn't know about you two!"

Krish, "Calm down, Isha. You know he is short-tempered. Once he calms down, we'll speak to him again."

"Might as well hit him! So what if he is short-tempered! We all have tempers!"

Isha went on babbling while Krish kept calming her, but I was lost in thoughts. I wanted to surprise Zach by telling everybody in the gang. But it seems that it will be difficult to do. Nitin will take time to calm down and actually see things through.

What a dilemma! I need him in such a situation, but I also don't want him to be here to witness this!

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