Am always with you.....

Chapter 45

ZACH

Pulmonary fibrosis. Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis.

Three words kept ringing in my head.

Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis.

I pulled myself, "Sorry. I am sorry. We shouldn't do this. This is wrong."

I started walking away. He held me back and kissed me, gently pecking my lips. Somewhere in my heart, I was thankful to God today, for gifting me this moment.

After he pulled back, he politely said, "It is not. We both know that. It might be wrong for everyone in this world, but for you, it is not."

He continued, observing me for a moment, "I love your ears. They are better than your mouth."

I punched him in stomach, "Shut up. Asshole."

We laughed.

"Is this how we reconcile our friendship?", I quietly asked.

He held my hand, "No. We don't need to reconcile our friendship. Because we are never apart."

How much I wished that to be true! No one wished for this to be true as much I did, not even Ben.

Pushing and kicking the internal turmoils back and blocking their usual path to my eyes that I was so used to hiding, I smiled and thanked the energy of life, Thank you.

(About 6 years ago)

I promise you Ben, I'll be back, and then I will never leave you alone.

I made a promise as we were en-route to our new home. New city, new people, new college, new friends. Still, everyone in the car was quiet, sad about leaving our house. Jamey was quiet, so I pulled him close to me.

"We should get something to eat, Mum. Jamey looks hungry."

Jamey looked at me, somewhere between angry and sad.

I smiled and whispered, "Don't give that face. Your brother will kill me if I don't feed you."

"Why not? Daddy, let's take a break."

There was no time after we reached the big city. Unpacking, setting up the house, enrolling in schools and colleges, meeting neighbours, making Jamey feel at home. Oh! How much I wished was here! Though I got used to the place quickly, it wasn't the case with the people here. It became an exercise of endless efforts to socialize here, after leaving my own world behind in Goa. It was a relief that Jamey liked the city. He made good friends, both near house and his school. And I must admit, he was an exact copy of Ben. Quiet, obedient, reliable and helpful. My Mum adored him. Slowly, I settled down, adjusting to this addictive city.

I was in awe with this city. Pune is a world in itself. Since it is an education haven, different types of people co-exist in this city. Especially the Punekars and their sarcasm! There is a lot to explore here- delicious food, exciting places, historical monuments, increasing traffic and addictive weather. The weather here is cozy; it makes you lazy. Not too cold in winter, not too hot in Summer, and not too rainy in Rains. The perfect kind of weather.

After my graduation, I made a failed attempt of convincing my parents to send me back to Goa. The distance was too hard for me to handle. But then, I discovered something- something that would change my entire life. I had idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. I felt like an idiot after I was told that there was no particular reason why I had it. I thought all these years, it was some allergy; side-effects of change of city, and now I come to know the real reason behind my constant sneezes. I decided not to tell anyone; I didn't want unnecessary drama around me. The doctor told me that since it was at an early stage, practiced routine and vigilant precautions would help me prolong my life. How insensitive of them! When I knew what the illness was, what it meant, how it would affect me and how it had no cure, I had decided to give up on everything and return back to Goa. I became reckless, fought with Dad to send me back. I had lost hopes to live. The mere thought that one day I might not wake up was scary enough to make me go mad. And then, Yash came in picture. I don't remember exactly what happened, but he got to know about my condition. It must have been hellish for him to handle me then, but he was successful in convincing me, getting me back on track. During this, I had lost contact with everyone, even Ben. Ironically, this was a circumstance when I needed him the most, but I dreaded the thought of telling him the truth.