Paninindigan Kita

5

Deanna's POV

"I'm really sorry Deanna but if worse comes to worse you have to make a choice. Si Jema ba or yung baby nyo." Tang ina! Parang nabingi ako sa sinabi ni Doctor Nunag. It can't be as easy as that.

"What are you trying to say? Para ka lang nagtanong ng 1 plus 1 sakin ah?" Inawat na ako nila mom.

"I'm sorry doc, can you just give us a minute. We'll call you once we make a decision." Si dad.

"Sachi, you don't have to react that way. It's a matter of life and death. Every minute counts here. So try to understand that your immediate decision is needed here." Parang ang dali lang naman sa akin nito.

"I can't just say kung sinong dapat kong piliin dad. You should know that it's hard for me too. Wala ba kayong pakiaalam sa mag ina ko?" I was crying. I know dad is trying to calm his self too. Baka magpang abot na kami.

"Sachi you need to calm down!!!" Si mom.

"How can I calm down?? It's my wife and child's life that's at stake here mom!!!" Iyak na ako ng iyak dito.

No!!! Ayokong mamili. May iba pang way. Alam ko. Magaling mga doctor dito pero bullshit naman! Why can't they even do something for them?

Dumating na sina mama at tatay.

I tried to calm myself na. Hindi pwedeng magpadalos dalos ako. I also need to consider their decision.

"Anak, anong nangyayari? Kamusta si Jema ang apo ko?" Si mama. Medyo nag aalala rin ako kay mama kasi pagdating pa lang nya parang hihighbloodin na.

I explained everything to them. Na.. I need to choose between Jema and my son. Premature ang baby namin and there are a lot of complications already sa panganganak ni Jema. I need to sign a waiver daw to let them continue with the procedures already.

(A/N: Imagination lang ulit ito. And thank you google!)

"Jema is in a critical condition now. Madami nang nawalang dugo sa kanya and still unconscious. Knowing Jema, alam ko pong uunahin nya ang buhay ng anak namin bago sya." I tried to show that I'm calm right now pero hindi ko na rin napigilan.

"Ayokong mawala sya sa akin ma. Mahal na mahal ko ang asawa ko. Pero paano naman ang anak ko?" Umiiyak na naman ako. Umiiyak na kaming lahat dito na halos hindi na rin ako makahinga. I tried to breathe pero I think I need my alone time. Kailangan kong mag isip.

Nagpaalam muna ako sa kanilang lahat. Naglakad lakad ako sa buong ospital. Kahit wala pa akong tulog hindi ko maramdaman ang hilo o antok. Nasasaktan ako. Nahihirapan ako.

This is the first time that I was able to see Jema habang buntis sya. Kung kailan ko sya naalagaan tsaka pa nangyari to.

Ako ba yung malas? Kasi noon na di nya ako kasama, naging mabuti ang lagay nila pareho ni Dino.

I need to make a choice si Jema ba o ang anak ko.

Paikot ikot lang ako sa hospital, nagulat ako when I almost passed at the chapel.

Parang may humila sa akin para makarating dito. Dito ko na iniyak lahat ng frustrations ko.

"Lord, minsan ko lang po iquestion kayo. But why me, why my family? Sorry po if I'm rude right now. I just don't get it." Madami namang mas bad pa sa amin to experience this kind of situation pero bakit sa amin pa? Bakit kami pa?

"Pero, I still need to believe in you Lord. Please save my wife and son. Ayokong mawala sila sa buhay ko. Hindi ko kakayanin if something bad happens to them." Iyak ako ng iyak sa loob ng chapel.

Naramdaman ko na lang na may tumabi sa akin at niyakap ako.

"Sachi anak, I'm really sorry. But Dr. Nunag came back already. Have you decided na? I know it will be a very difficult decision. But you must know that whatever your decision is, it will always be for the better. I know you anak kita e." I know that mom's just trying to calm me. I understand her naman. Sa ganitong situations, hindi pwedeng emosyon ang gamitin ko.

There is no better decision now. Kumbaga sa exam walang best answer.

"Bakit ba kailangan na mangyari ito sakin mom? Did I do something horrible to someone? Wala naman akong sinaktan na tao. Why does it have to be Jema and my child mom?" I'm still crying. Sobrang maga na ng mata ko.

Jema's a good person too. Wala syang tinapakang tao kahit minsan. Walang kagalit.

"I can't answer that anak. Pero ang alam ko, He will never give you this kind of problem kung di mo kaya."

Kaya ko nga ba? Sana.. sana nga po mom.