Hale Daughter

[101]

I put on my helmet and drive at my psychologist. I have appointment in 5 minutes. I hope I won't be late. When I arrived there and look at the time, I sigh. I run inside and see Alex walking out of the room.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to be late".

"Don't worry, Yn. You're my last client for today anyway".

"I'm sorry".

"Come inside" I walk inside and he closes the door behind him. We both sit down. "I want something from you today" he hands me a paper and a pen. "I want from you to write down a letter to your younger self".

"What?".

"Can you do it?".

"Umm I guess so".

"Let's start then. Take your time".

I look at the paper and think for a while. Afterwards I start writing and writing till the page is done. Before I even say anything Alex gives me another page. He nods at me and I continue writing. After 30 - 40 minutes I'm done and look at him.

"You're done?".

"Yeah".

"Perfect. Read them to me".

"What?".

"Read those two pages filled with your thoughts".

"You know that I don't like reading stuff that I have written".

"I'm aware but I need you to read it to me" I sigh and nod.

"Okay".

Dear Future Me,

I think about ending my life daily
The fastest way to go
without hurting others
My self-worth
Will I be missed?
These thoughts;
Should not be put on paper
But why not?
If more people talked about it
Perhaps, they would not,
act upon it
The greatest pain cannot be seen
It hides deep within
A broken bone is easy to mend
A broken mind doesn't now bind
All these thoughts of mine,
often times I wonder
Have I lost my mind?
Am I the only one,
with suicidal thoughts?

"Are you happy?" is such a difficult question that people usually ask me. I always say yes, because I have friends, I lay at jokes, I got and say a lot and have fun. My life isn't as bad as it could be, and I don't have terrible problems. It could be worse. But then, one night at 3 am when I'm alone, still awake, lying in bed, thinking about life, I find myself crying my heart out suddenly, I'm convinced that nobody likes me, or nobody will ever like me. I feel horrible and I question everything I had and I don't know if I was ever happy at all...

Sometimes the worst place you can he is in your own head.

Sorry

Sorry for the road that I won't take
For the words that I won't say
For the love that I won't give
Sorry for the heart that I won't show
For the lengths that I won't go
For the life that you won't live
Sorry that I opened up my arms
you would never reach in time
Before they closed again

You will forget
And I won't remember it
When all I ever did was race in circles
you will forget
And all there's left will he
A faded memory
A dream you woke up from

Sorry for the path that I won't take
For the laws that I will break
For the role that I won't play
Sorry that I'm raising up my walls
And whenever you reached over
you are thrown back to the start.