Wherever You Go [Katy Perry Fan fiction]

Chapter Sixty

After Sammie's revelation, it took me a couple of minutes to regain myself, remembering that I had to put my daughter's happiness before anything else. It was only around twenty minutes later that Oliver had returned home with Lucas, much to my advantage, meaning that I could discreetly disappear off up the stairs into my bedroom and have a shower. That was my way of just giving myself some alone time, because I could feel my mind exploding; part of me screaming at me to tell my daughter what she deserves to know and the other reminding me that I needed to keep my mouth shut in order for her to go for the huge opportunity that she has just been offered. My heart also breaking at the fact my daughter was soon to be across the other side of the ocean.

I turned the cold metal handle on the shower, watching as the water began falling from the shower head. I pulled myself away, catching a glimpse of myself through the bathroom mirror. My sunken cheeks and my darkened eyes. I hated it. My prominent collar bones and the way my skin had gone much paler than normal. An albino white; the color completely drained from my body. 

I could feel the steam from the shower heating up the room, as well as my skin, as I allowed my clothes to fall from my body, sitting in a circle around my feet after I had. I brought my hands to my shoulders, running them down my arms carefully so that I could feel the tenderness of my skin.

The hot water that then fell onto my skin as I stepped into the shower, was an incredible feeling. My mind just faded into dullness and everything became a foggy illusion. It was as though none of this was happening and I was just a teenager again, home from school, taking a shower before I joined my friends on the beach for the night. Not a worry or care in the world. Life was so much simpler back then. I didn't have anyone who depended on me; I was the only person I needed to look after. That isn't me saying that I don't enjoy being a mom, because of course I do, it's just that sometimes I wish I could go back to being the idiotic teenager that I was for just a little while.

I let my hands slide down my wet face, seeing the outlines of my reflection in the glass on the shower as I looked back up. My head was a mess. Ever since the vulnerable, fragile age of nineteen years old, I've had a blue eyed girl that I worshiped. I would go home to Santa Barbara and she would be there, melting into my arms as soon as her eyes connected with mine. Now? Now that would all change. Not only that, but I didn't have her soft words to remind me that everything was going to be okay during the most difficult time of my life. Even though I am the mom, and that's supposed to be my job, Sammie acts a lot older than she is, and sometimes when life is just that little bit difficult, she reminds me of who I am. That blonde haired girl downstairs is my sanity in this life of sin. 

I dry my skin with a crisp white towel, not bothering to put it in the washing basket, but just leaving it on the bathroom floor in a crumpled mess as I pull my soft dressing gown around my body. I closed the bathroom door behind me, still tying the belt of my gown around my torso when I caught glimpse of a tired green eyed beauty sat on the edge of the bed. 

"You okay?" He asks me, his eyes scanning my face carefully, his voice horse and quiet. 

Continuing to tie a bow on the front of my dressing gown, I give him a nod, "Of course," I lie, but terribly. I heard how my voice trembled and saw how my hands jittered. I was all over the place, there was no denying it. "Why wouldn't I be?" 

"Sammie just told me about London, but I figured she'd already mentioned it to you."

"Yeah, she did." 

I didn't intend to sound so disappointed, it just sort of, came out. I wasn't disappointed in her, god, of course I wasn't. I was disappointed in the fact the one person I need around me right now wasn't going to be. Not only that, but she was going to be even further than I thought originally. I thought she'd be forty minutes away on the free way, still in LA, but now we're talking an entirely different continent.