Wherever You Go [Katy Perry Fan fiction]

Chapter Sixty-Three

I guess the world can just stand in place sometimes, you know? You don't feel yourself breathing. You don't feel anything at all. You're just numb and suddenly you're not in control anymore. My heart was beating so heavily in my chest, the only evidence that I was actually alive, my entire body just slumped, weak, absolutely terrified.

You see it every single day. All around the world. It's different though, when it's someone you love. You spend your entire life doing everything to avoid being diagnosed with the cell eating disease that kills hundred of people everyday, but then it happens to a person close to you and suddenly that changes. Suddenly you wish it was you, because the pain of seeing somebody you love going through that, is a pain more excruciating than anything else in the world.

Is it selfish of me to say that she can't leave because I need her?

I need her to wrap her arms around me when I'm upset and whisper sweet words of comfort into my ear. I need her to come and crawl into bed with me at all hours in the morning, just because she misses my presence. I need her to come and assure me that everything is going to be okay when I sit there and doubt myself. She was right. As much as I have to be brave, it isn't as easy as that. It isn't a broken bone she's asking me to be brave for this time. A broken bone can be mended. Sure, it might take a little time, but eventually it will be fixed. If I lose her, that isn't something that can be fixed. Over time it might get a little easier to live with, but I would never be fixed. There would always be a gaping hole right in the center of my heart that I can never get back. I wouldn't be able to go back to living my life as I normally did. How could I when one of the main pieces is missing?

Those were the thoughts rushing through my head as my body laid cowered on my bedroom floor, tangled in a pair of tight arms that held my frame close to a warm chest and beating heart. My head rested on his collar bone, my trembling fingers just about finding the strength to hold onto the material of his shirt as I sobbed onto his clothing. Louis had been trying for the past half hour to calm me down - stroking my head with his hand and cooing into my ear. I was thankful for him, because even though he didn't quite know what to do, and that he knew that nothing he said could make it okay, he was there to hold me together, even though I knew I had completely fallen apart.

"I'm so scared, Lou," I whispered shakily through a hiccup.

He continues to stroke through my hair with his hand.

"I've never in my life been without her. Even when we were growing up and I knew her as my sister, she was the one I went to. She was the one I cried out for, every time. I-" I felt that hard lump form in my throat, but my eyes were already too sore to cry any harder and my cheeks still stung from the salty mess that sat upon them. "-I don't know what I'd do if-"

He quickly cuts me off, "Hey, Sammie," my body is then held just a little tighter against his own, pushing my head deeper into the crook of his neck so that my lips just about grazed the soft skin of his chest. "You can't think like that."

How could I not? How could I not be so afraid of the future now?
It was so crazy to think that just an hour ago I was so excited about the next six months because my entire life was about to change. I guess now it still was about to change, but now it isn't for the good.
I sniffed up the draining liquid from my nose and feeling it sit still in the back of my throat. I felt gross. My chest, nose, eyes were all clogged up and my body felt far too tired to even lift myself up off the ground.
Every few seconds a sob would escape my lips. I had only just managed to finally start breathing again, but my heart still sat so heavy in my tight chest. I was trying to figure out how to deal with this. Truth is...I had absolutely no idea.
I had heard the door from downstairs open and close into place around ten minutes ago, so I was guessing Shannon had left already. Either that or my dad had gone out for a few hours with Luke so mom could come and talk to me for a while. As much as I knew that an explanation about how this has even happened and what happens now is coming soon, I hoped it wasn't now. I didn't have the energy in me to understand and deal with all the details right now.
"Sammie?"
A voice shook me a little, scaring me out of my thoughts until I was then met by a light knocking on my bedroom door. It was definitely a hesitant knock, as if the person on the other end of the door was afraid to disturb me.
I was still clinging tightly to Louis' jumper when I lifted my head to reply, "yeah?"
I didn't turn around but the quiet sounds of my door slowly opening indicated that they were coming in. The sight of me completely broken down on my bedroom floor probably wasn't the best one.
"Sams, are you okay?"
I turned to look at the soft, green eyes of my dad, and I saw his pain. I could tell that this was killing him slowly. It was the first time I noticed the tiredness on his face and the fear that flashed unintentionally through his eyes. He was just as afraid as I was.
"Stupid question," he then says, shaking his head but letting a small smile cross his lips. "Listen darling, I know now really isn't the time but we've got some visitors. I understand that you're probably not in the mood so I can say you're sick if you want and you'd prefer to stay up here? Though I doubt that would really stop Mary from coming up anyway."
I loosen my grip on Lou so that I can properly face my dad, another unexpected sob leaving my mouth. Two surprises in one day. As much as this one would normally be a good one, today, today was bad timing. "Mary? Wait, you're telling me-"
"Keith and Mary are sat downstairs, yeah." He tells me through a heavy breath, clearly not too happy about the fact we all now had to go downstairs and pretend everything was great.
"I'm guessing they don't know about..."
He shakes his head, "no, Katy wasn't comfortable telling anybody else until you knew."
I had to admit that it warmed my heart entirely to know that my mom had gone out of her way to make sure that I found out the right way, and that she prioritized me over everybody else that needed to know. It was reasons like this that made me have so much respect for her, because it showed that the respect went both ways.
"I'll be down in a second."
"Are you sure? If you aren't up to this right now, love, that really isn't a problem. Besides, I have a feeling they might be staying for longer than just today."
I pushed my sticky hair away from my face with my still trembling hand, hoping at the same time that my dad didn't notice how much it was actually shaking. The last thing he needed was to be worrying about me too. "It's fine. I'll follow you down."
With that, he sends me a nod and leaves my room. I feel Louis pull be back to him and I don't resist dropping my head tiredly onto his shoulder.
"Damn it, they don't half choose their timing." I groan.