Look At Me

Bon Appetit

Jisung POV

The next week was a blur. The cameras were removed the day after our altercation with the board. As far as we could tell, anyway. We weren't exactly trusting that they would just keep up their end of the deal that easy.  I was busy as hell with Binnie and Chan, we worked 16-20 hour days, even just giving up and napping at the studio for a good 72-hour stretch.  Before I realized it, eight days passed, and Minho and I had only seen each other at dance practice or briefly in the studio when he popped in to bring me coffee and food.

I was exhausted. I was lonely, I was miserable. We had gotten a lot done and there had been magic in the studio, but I couldn't deny all I really wanted was a hot shower, some gooey pizza and to fall into bed with Minho's arms around me. There had been no time for us to be together in days and a stolen kiss or two had not been enough to assuage the need for his touch. It started to feel as though my days with Minho had been a wonderful fling. I worried that our bond was somehow damaged by being caught and blackmailed. So true to my natural state. I started to close myself off and create reasons to push him away.

"Maybe he decided it isn't worth it to be with me." My mind sang over and over. "You were just another conquest." The spiteful voice spat. "How stupid could you be to think someone like him could care about someone like you?" I sighed, the words that my anxiety demon spoke weighing heavily on me. I rested my head against the window, the raindrops streaming down, complimenting my melancholy mood. I removed my headphones, unable to even find solace in music.

"Hey, you okay, Ji?"  Binnie asked. I lifted my head to see him and Chan looking at me – the bags under their sleepless eyes as dark as mine, matching expressions of worry and concern etched across their faces.

I sighed and looked down, not sure how to put my thoughts into words- or if I even should.

"I get it. I'm staying with Innie tonight. I think I might actually sleep." Chan yawned. "Crazy how quick you get attached to someone, huh?" he wondered, smiling conspiratorially. "Then it's hard to be separated from them." he said to no one in particular.

"Maybe he's changed his mind." I muttered.

"Nope. No. damn it, no." Changbin chastised, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. I was sure I'd have bruises from his grip in the morning. "You are not going to self-sabotage this, Jisung." He scolded. "Minho and you are not some passing thing." He reassured me. "I know I don't know exactly what you two are up to, but I can tell you- you're both better together. Perfect example- you've been away from each other a few days and you're sinking back into your pit of despair." He jostled me brotherly and added "I hate to see you like this. Get some rest." He smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "Get some dick- whatever you need."

"Yeah, Ji- you've been happy- let's keep that going, huh?" Chan added, patting me on the knee. "I'm in desperate need of some sleep, and some snuggles and if I'm lucky, a bit of kissing too." He laughed, making smoochy faces at me. I pushed him away and laughed, the mood officially lifted.

"I know guys- sorry I get all weird. I haven't even heard from him since yesterday morning." My words hung in the air as I checked my phone again, six unanswered messages staring back at me.

"Okay- but he was working on new choreo for a couple songs, and you know how he gets when he's focused on dance stuff." Chan explained.

I nodded, knowing they were right, even is my anxiety demon refused to believe it. I stayed silent the rest of the ride home, listening to the rain pouring outside. By request, Chan and Binnie were dropped off at the other dorm, apparently staying there for the night. I thought briefly about go in, seeing if Minho was home, but thought better of it, deciding that home alone would be better in the long run.