Look At Me

Of Course He Was

Minho POV

I woke up, panic clutching at my throat- surrounded by stark white blankets that were too scratchy to be mine, and rolled hazily onto my side to see Jisung, sleeping soundly-his hair a wild spray of knots across the pillows. I smiled- his cute face even more innocent in sleep. I wanted to wake up to that face everyday for the rest of my life.

"I want to wake up with him forever." I thought again- more sure of myself. I blinked, replaying the words in my head-absolutely sure it was the truth.

Last night had thrown a wrench in my life- the necessity to take ownership and protection over Seungmin still on my mind. I cared for him- of course. He was my friend and my ex- even as messy as all that had been- you can't just forget what we had- especially knowing what I knew now. I had seen the look in Seungmin's eyes when he had kissed Jisung. It was not an act for him. My face contorted as I remembered the moment- the absolute rage that had been clawing for freedom beneath my skin. And when Woojin went to touch my Sungie- I couldn't hold back anymore. My actions had fucked us all. Woojin was gone. Though I couldn't say I was overly torn up about that.

What weighed on my mind was the way Seungmin had lunged to take a bullet for me- how I had thought it was Jisung at first. How I had felt my whole world shatter in that moment. I had wanted to die if I couldn't have my Sungie. The realization scared me, but also made me feel all warm and floaty.

Did I owe Seungmin now? I had essentially freed him of his abuser- given him a chance to live a normal life- well as normal as possible anyway. I figured it made us even. Was he going to think he really belonged to me though? How was I supposed to not break in into a million pieces if I told him I still didn't want him? And I didn't want him. Not as a lover. I couldn't. As I thought it my mind wandered briefly at the idea anyway- his smiling face, his hand in mine- Sungie's hand in my other- his eyes on me- so loving and eager to please, but behind those darling big boba eyes- fear. Worry. Anxiety. No. I couldn't do that to him. Ever.

I couldn't help wondering what Jisung thought about it all. Did he want Seungmin- in a strange poly way like Bin and Lix and Hyunnie? They seemed right to me- they all just made it work- like a puzzle fitted together, each had been looking for the others to complete their story. But Seungmin as our third just..... didn't fit.

I sighed and stretched, laying on my back and staring at the hotel ceiling- willing the thoughts in my mind to stop spinning like a carnival ride. With a lot of effort and time, they did. I looked again at Jisung who was facing me, deep asleep and snoring lightly. I smirked and decided to shower and order room service- figuring he'd be hungry when he woke.

The steam from my shower helped to melt away some of the tension I was feeling- though I knew I needed to resolve things sooner rather than later. I stepped out onto the balcony of our room and order breakfast- sipping on the bitter coffee they provided for the room. I watched as the sun rose- The chill of the morning creeping through the fluffy robe I wore, my breath showing in puffs of steam. I heard the sliding door open- even though he was trying to be sneaky.

His armed wrapped around my waist, one snaking up my chest to pull my robe to the side. Jisung's lips kiss the ball of my shoulder- the cold breeze causing my nipples to tighten- or maybe that was the feel of his mouth on my skin.

"Good morning, Baby." He said- his voice deep and raspy with sleep. I felt my head fall back against him, our cheeks nuzzling against each other as he held me.

"Good morning, my love." I responded back, smiling as I said the words.

"Mmm. My love- I like that." he said, trailing kisses along my neck. "Why are you standing out here in the cold? I woke up alone." He pouted- his voice becoming whiny.