Plain Sight

chapter forty

Juliette
___

It's been three weeks.

Three weeks have passed, just like that. Everything feels different now. I speak with Mia every day, and Vivian pretty much every day as well.

I haven't talked to Bill, georg, or Tom at all since the funeral.

Bill has texted me and invited me to dinner, or small gatherings but I always decline. I can see the effort he's trying to make to put all of that stuff behind us, but it's still just so hard. It's too soon.

I cannot make anybody understand what I'm feeling, when I don't fully understand it myself.

It's hatred, loss, and anger all at once.

I spoke to my father about two weeks ago and I got my apartment and my car back. As well as my money that he so selfishly took. Other than that, there's no reason for me to speak to him.

I also started working at that Chanel store where I bought my dress for the ball from. It's alright for the most part, except for my co-worker who gave me problems at the register when I bought the dress.

She just seems to have this problem with me. I don't even know her, I haven't spoken to her once in the three weeks that I've been working there.

Other than work, I don't really leave my apartment much. Sometimes I just drive around for hours. Or I'll go for a walk and sit down somewhere, just watching.

I've been doing good. For the most part.

Mia and Vivian never bring up Tom's name, the last time they did it just brought back so many memories that I wanted to forget.

All these weeks that I've been on my own now, but all I could seem to think about was Tom.

Every. Single. Day.

He was the first thing I thought about in the morning, and the last thing I thought about at night.

It doesn't make any sense because I still resent him for what he did.

Vivian sleeps over quite a lot too, she said she hates being the only girl in the house. It's nice when she and Mia spend the night with me, it makes me feel a little less alone.

It's just like all of a sudden I felt so tired.

I guess there are two types of tired. The need for sleep, and the need for peace.

Recently, I've become quite familiar with the feeling of being alone. I always wanted to be held to tightly, so that I wouldn't break. That's not possible for me anymore though, that outlet that I once had is gone. Tom was that outlet. He was that special thing in my life that I had all to myself, now it's dull and gone.

He was the first person I've ever showed my heart to, and he's the reason I won't show it to anybody ever again.

-

"Do you want anything specific for dinner?" Mia asks me, as we are both lying on my couch.

"Ummm, anything is fine. What were you thinking?"

"Maybe pizza? Or pasta? Ooo what about that place downtown, remember that small little restaurant by where you work?"

"Oh yes! Let's go there!" I say and we smile at each other and get up from the couch eagerly.

We both slip on our shoes and go down to the garage of my building, and then we get inside of the car, "Do you think Milo would want to join us? I could stop by and pick him up, it's on the way." I say and start the car, pulling out of the parking spot.