You can skip this... my life's basically a K-drama/realistic fiction with no love interest.
Before I dump anything, this probably won't happen in the future. I don't like the idea of a notification saying I posted a new one/smutshot, only for it to be a dump or not an important announcement. I just really needed to get this out... even if there are only 10 people or smth who read the part of the real vent.
I'm sorry for not posting consistently/quickly. Right now I'm having a rough bump in life (Well, my whole life is kinda shitty, but this week is more messed up than usual since the bottle containing my sanity broke.)
I know this might sound like an excuse but since we're nearing the end of the month, I have many assignments due and exams coming up. I'm also running 2 contests for Halloween and I'm dealing with family issues and a toxic friend of mine who plagiarized her L.A. assignment and is blaming me for calling out on her ADHD (I'll explain this below). This week my body kept on crashing on minimum sleep (4 hrs) since the winter transition makes me light-headed, and I broke down yesterday and the day before, so I'm taking a mini break on a few things.
GOOD NEWS IS I also took a break day yesterday and part of today, and I'm adjusting to the cold, so I should be able to post every 5 days again! I managed to finish another GCMV remake which took me 2 months, so I would appreciate it if you watched it.
BELOW IS THE REAL DUMP (Well, not completely. I won't spill all of my life's secrets)
I know I was critical when I called her out on her ADHD, but here's what happened.
My friend, let's call her x, cheated off me for 3 months in the previous year in math. Yes, I let her, because I thought she was my friend and she didn't take her ADHD medicine and couldn't focus that day.
I am okay with it if it was just a one-time thing, everyone forgets something sometimes, but when it repeats? That's not ADHD's fault. That's hers because she chose not to study and chose not to ask for help. When I told her I was not helping her anymore, she started to exclude me and rolled her eyes at me.
This year, she copied from friend 'Y' on hw and this week, friend 'Y' wrote a whole writing page for her, and both of them got caught. The teacher hasn't called them out yet, but during the second last block, I snapped at X.
I apologize, but how could I not when she was whining about her ADHD and wanted to copy friend 'Y's work again?
I snapped at her and said: 'I know many people who are successful with ADHD, could you please quiet down?' I wanted to work in peace without hearing her in the background.
She told me that I didn't have it so I didn't know what it was like, and there were different levels of ADHD. (This is a fact btw)
True, but my father and sister had ADHD symptoms that were much more serious than hers, yet they weren't toxic. My father found ways to improve himself so that he was on a higher level than average workers. Hell, he is crazy good and strict in math and intelligent in other forms of studying, cooking, ideas, creativity, etc. My sister isn't as efficient, but thanks to my dad, she is basically forced to improve herself.
Right afterwards, X got called into the office. Friend Y asked me what I thought of her/what was wrong, and I broke down.
I ended up crying for 2-3 hours.
She apparently cried too, after coming back from the office to the last block.
ADHD might impact your learning, but it doesn't serve as an excuse for cheating. I believe that you can always find ways to improve yourself and cheating won't help you later on anyways. So yes, I probably could have said it nicer, and I understand if you're angry at me for this matter, but try understanding my perspective here. If she needed help, even without ADHD, I would help and teach her.
She chose not to do her homework and not to take small steps. She chose to play video games and draw naked people. (Not base sketches, literal nudes). She chose to exclude me, to cling onto me just to get closer to Z. She chose to use me. She chose to exclude me. She chose to believe that she is better than me at everything (I beat her in everything, I'm not joking.) She chose to plagiarize. She chose to cheat for 3 months. She chose not to ask for help.
So, you can get angry at me for calling her out, but just don't get angry at me for other things.
I chose to help her cheat last year. I chose to get minimum sleep. I chose to hide my achievements from her so she wouldn't belittle them. I chose to get annoyed. I chose not to confront her earlier. I chose to call her out. I chose to hate her. I chose to not ask for mental help. And I chose to vent here.
I also chose to be a workaholic. To be a coffee addict. To be edgier this year. To let her take advantage for 1 1/2 fucking years before I realized what happened. To wait another 6 months before spilling what I felt to Z. To drink too much coffee. To talk about coffee.
I put in bits of myself into Espresso from my other fanfic, to make him him, and I also became somewhat like my fanfic Espresso.
Isn't that weird? Almost like I predicted it. From 2023-2024, I became a workaholic. Responible. I love bitter Starbucks coffee now. I say 'My apologies.' My style improved more. I'm snappier. I break down more.
So whenever I write, I use aspects of my life. When I write about the 'Demon' in Espresso's head in my other story, I literally hear voices in my head telling me dark thoughts.
When friend 'Z' told X partially what I felt, friend X said: Oh, I'm sorry, I'll try not to cheat. I don't think I cheat, maybe I do, idk.
IF PLAGIRIZIM AND COPYING ON A TEST ISN'T CHEATING, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT IS.
I'm I innocent of cheating? No, I admit I cheated once or twice in grade 8 on a social test. I admit I cheated in grade 7 on a few science and social tests. Where did it lead me? A shitty grade on finals. What did studying in grade 8 (Except for that one social test) lead me? A 25% jump in finals. But I have never used sleep deprivation, sickness, family issues, hungriness, my own adhd (I believe have mild adhd, I just never tell anyone because I don't want pity or something)
I'm going to make that one social test into a 0 this year. I'm not cheating at all, and I'm going to study. I'm improving that 65 Science mark I got earlier in the school year, and I'm determined to get a 100 on the unit test to replace it. I'm choosing to study. She chose to cheat.
Sorry, I just dumped a lot out.
