The Arrangement (Mattheo Riddle)

Ch.44~ Almost.

I wondered, how it felt to go through life, happy. How it felt to not constantly have things taken away from you. How it felt to open your eyes each morning, and give praise to be alive. To have someone you knew you had all the time in the world with, and be able to take it day by day.

Mattheo and I would never know that feeling. We would never know peace, or the art of taking things one day at a time. We had now. We had stolen time, and we were constantly reminded of it.

I like the concept of fate. Perhaps Mattheo and I were fated, to get married- well at least meet. Come close like this. Even if it just was for a moment in time. Experience loss, and do come to breaking points with each other. Perhaps, we were here to teach each other things, show each other things... love.

For some reason, when I sit and think, longevity wasn't ever something I seen for us. All I was ever able to picture was now. Today. This one moment in time. Never five, ten, fifteen years down the road.

It was always now.

It was always stolen.

Call it bad luck. Call it family karma even. I call it rude, and unfair. I deserved to be loved. He deserved so much more than I, to be loved.

The silence ate through that tiny kitchen, and he still sat in front of me, hands gripping my thighs as silent tears ran down my face.

One thing about him, he was up front with an issue. He told it like it was, and if he was saying he didn't have a choice, that means his mind was made up.

He was head fast. He didn't think. He put the needs of others, way before his own. He knew, in order for our world to ever return back to normal, he would need to get rid of his father, even if it meant getting rid of himself.

He didn't know it then, but I was going to make this anything but easy for him.

When I looked at him, the boy, sitting below me, his broken eyes and quivering lip, I seen something worth every fight.

"I can find a way. I know I can." I whispered, as I tried to collect my self.

"You don't think we tried, Rose?" He looked exhausted.

"But I didn't try. I'm good with books." I nodded, like I was trying to convince him I already knew I could.

"It's more than that." He sounded defeated.

"We deserve... forever. We've been through enough." My voice broke again, "he doesn't get to take you from me too."

"You deserve the world and more Rosalia, and I'm sure one day, someone will give it to you." He stood up, playing with my hair.

"I don't want it from someone!" I jumped to my feet, "I want it from you! You swore Mattheo. We both did." I spat, as I stormed out of the room and up to the room we had been sleeping in.

I passed the boys, who were sitting two rooms over, and from the looks on their faces, my reaction went better than any of them had anticipated.

I was only alone for a moment, until the tiny bedroom door swung open, and Mattheo joined me in the room.

"Rose, I didn't mean it like that..."

"Like what? That you'll go and sacrifice yourself and I'll move on?!" I cut him off, "that you'll die, and I'll be fine and all will be well?"

"No! That one day, far from here, you'll be happy. You'll be the kind of happy, I was never able to give you." He let out a deep breath, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Everything you've given me, has always been enough for me, Mattheo." I threw my hands in defeat, turning to face him. "You've always been enough for me."

I seen how much my words hurt him, how they stung him. He never wanted to accept it, within himself, that he actually made me happy. That I actually did love him. That somewhere along this fucked up story, I fell for him. I fell for him, hard.  He never thought, it was possible. He's told me, love isn't something he's ever considered himself worthy of. He thought love it's self was pure.

I thought love was supposed to be messy, and crazy and make you go absolutely mad.

I just looked at him, I seen it in his eyes this was a fight, he had already given up.

"Am I not enough?" I spoke again, "to fight for? To search for an answer? To try?"

"You have no idea, what you're worth in my eyes." His voice shook, as he brought his head to his hands.

I walked over, gently lifting his head and finding my way into his lap, letting his rest his head in the crease of my neck. Feeling his arms wrap their way around me, squeezing me to a point where breathing became difficult.

"So fight for me... Fight for us." I whispered, as he brought his eyes up to mine.

He didn't say a word. He didn't flinch at my request, they didn't throw him. Instead he brought his lips up to mine, firmly pressing them together.

It's amazing, the power his touch had over me.

He pulled away, and looked at me in my eyes, really looked at me. Letting out a soft smile, before crashing our lips together again.

I met his kiss, and held onto it, as if it was the last time. Cupping his face and deepening it. Craving him. Needing him.

I needed him.

Forever.

He gently pushed me off his lap, and laid on top of me, raising the wildness of the kiss, and letting his hands explore my body.

He found his was down to my pants, undoing the button of my black jeans, and tossing them to the side, while I ripped his shirt from his body. It wasn't long until my shirt, and his pants met their pairs on the floor.

Every time he seen me naked, he looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

His lips found their way to my collar bone, and up my neck, sending shivers down my spine, as my hands gripped and tore at his back.

Touching all the right spots, kissing all the right spots, gently slipping in once he got the chance, taking in my gasps and moans. I knew it was his favorite.

I was crying.

I don't know why, or when I started crying. But I was.

He finally lifted his head, and was automatically shocked to see my current state of emotions.

"Rose..."

"I love you, Mattheo."