Teenage Love

Chapter 33: Confussion

"Hmm" i hummed as I sat on my phone on Jill's sofa

I felt Jill place her hands on my shoulder, i leaned my head against the top of the sofa so I could see her

Jill ducked her head closer to mine, she placed her lips on mine before breaking about, she giggled at me chasing her lips before she started speaking

"Can you help me with something before we leave" she asked softly

I nodded with a smile and got up

"What do you need?" I asked

She took me to her bedroom, walking over to her wardrobe and pointing at the door

"It's about to come off any chance you could fix it please" Jill asked

"Do you have a screwdriver?" I asked

Jill nodded and went and got the screwdriver

I fixed her door easily and then we made our way to training

We had a meeting before training so we made our way there after getting ready in the changing rooms

"ALEX!" Beth shouted as I jumped on top of her as we walked down the hall

"BETH!" I shouted back as I hung onto her

"Get off" she said trying to throw me off her

"Beth stop" Kim said as she walked up to the both of us

"Your gonna hurt her" she added

"I'm gonna hurt her! She's just jumped on top of me" Beth said as she tipped me onto the floor

"Aaaa Beth!" I said over reacting trying to get her into trouble

"Doesn't matter anyways you've got a 3 match ban anyways" Beth teased as I got off the floor

"2 now" I said back sticking my tongue out at her, reviving a smack on the back of the head from Jill

"Jill!" I said rubbing the back of my head

"Come on" she said as she walked off to the room

I followed her and sat down next to her as we listened to the feedback we were getting

I looked down at my phone when someone started calling me, my older brother?

I declined it and carried on listening

My phone started to vibrate again, signalling that I was getting called again

My brother was trying to call me again

I declined it and sent a quick message saying I was in a meeting

He replied back saying it was important and started calling me again

I sighed and put my hand up, gaining Jonas's attention

"Sorry my brother is calling me he said it's really important, you don't mind if I answer it?" I asked politely

Jonas said I could and then I made my way out of the room

I wasn't the same when I walked back into the room, I went and sat down in my chair and started to fiddle with my drawstrings on my jumper as jonas spoke

"You okay?" Jill whispered leaning into me

"Mhm" I mumbled as I kept my eyes on the drawstrings

She leaned back into her sit, clearly aware that I was lying but not being able to do anything about it right now

Once the meeting finished I made quick work off leaving the room and getting to the changing rooms to grab my boots and making my way out to the grass

"Alex" the assistant coach said as we stood in a circle listen to the drills being explained, being brought of the the thoughts that were spiralling around my head

I looked up at him

"Are you listening?" He asked

I let out a weak yeah before he continued to explain the drills, not missing the worried looks given to each other by the girls

I stayed quite the whole training session, something I don't do very often, again earning worried glances between the group

Once training had finished I made my way into the changing rooms, head down and by myself

I took my boots off and then leaned into my cubby, closing my eyes and letting out a quite sigh

Yes I hated him but this news was still hard to take, so hard...

Why didn't I just take him somewhere safe that time I bumped into him?

Yes he punched me but I should have taken him to a hotel or something...

I shouldn't have let him walk off drunk...

I was taken out of my thoughts when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I pushed them away and stood up, guard up and frightened by the contact

All the girls stood and watched the reaction, shocked with the way I shoved Jill away

If I had known it was Jill I wouldn't have reacted like that

I sighed when I saw the shocked expression on Jill's face

"Sorry" I said quietly, looking down at my hands

"What's wrong" she asked she took a step towards me cautiously as if I was a dangerous animal or something

"Nowt" I said clearly lying

"Don't lie to me Alex" Jill said

"I'm not" I said getting defensive

Jill wrapped one of her hands around mine as she tried to calm me down before I reacted badly

She placed her head on my chest as she listened to my heart beat, I guess feeling her against me brought me back down to earth

"Don't put your walls up Alex" she's whispered

By now most of the girls had left the changing rooms, giving us some privacy

"I'm trying not to" I said honestly as I closed my eyes trying to stay calm

"Take your time but know that whenever your ready no matter the time or where I am I'll always stop what I'm doing to listen to you okay" Jill said giving me reassurance

I smiled down at her and placed a kiss on her forehead before murmuring a quite thanks against her forehead

It has been a few days since I found out about the news, Jill's been patient with me especially with how difficult I have been over the last few days, she still doesn't know the reason but it still there to help me no matter what

We were playing Bristol city today at our ground, I was still banned from playing but came to support like always

We were stood out on the pitch doing a pitch inspection before going into the changing rooms

I had an arsenal puffer jacket on with the joggers and hoodie, Jill only having the hoodie and joggers on

It was quite chilly out today, Jill walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, under my jacket, and placed her head on my chest, I wrapped my arms around her as I stared out into space

She placed a kiss on my neck making me look down at her

I smiled softly at her and she smiled up at me, she has been nothing but the best for me over the last few days and I don't know if I would have pulled through so strong with out her there

I was aware of fans in the stadium now and probably filming us so I didn't place a kiss onto Jill's lips, never being one for so much contact out in public

In a way I was happy I was gonna sit this one out, i don't think I would have played for the right reasons if I was expected to play today and probably would have ended up injuring someone badly...

How can a mans, who treated his family like shit, death effect me so much?