Teenage Love

chapter 70: her career

if everything went to plan i would be back just in time for the euros.

i would need to make sure i had no step backs, followed the time lines to the point and make sure i follow everything that i have been told to make it to those euros.

still then i might not get in, sarina might not want to take that chance on me.

alessia stayed with me as long as she could but eventually she had to go back to manchester

at one point she was convinced she was going to put the rest of this season on hold and come and look after me but i told her that was ridiculous and she needed to focus on her career.

she calls me every night asking for any updates and just generally making sure i was okay, knowing how my mind works and how easy it is for me to get lost in it

she only saw a fraction of what was actually happening, it was easy to hide what was actually going on from her as she only saw me for an hour of the day and the messages were even easier to cover up how i was truly feeling and acting

i was losing it slowly but surely, giving up on my dream to play in the euros this summer

sure i was doing my rehab and stretching but that was only because leah and alessia was forcing me to go and forcing me to do my stretches while on call to alessia

if they weren't there i would have given up fully by now.

it's easy to hide away from alessia, show her the feelings she wanted to see but with leah and having to be around her most of the day it was more difficult and i was slowly cracking

i knew the minute she saw a change in me she would be calling alessia who would hope on a train and be at my house in under 3 hours

it made my recovery even harder knowing that i had to keep up this attitude they wanted because i needed alessia to stay in manchester and focus on getting into that euros team.

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"nah fuck i can't do it" i said as me and the physio tried some new stretches in the gym

"try again" the physio said pushing me to the extreme, i guess she had to...

i screamed out, the pain getting the worse of me

i knew the girls were trying to ignore it while they work through their exercises but i could see a few heads turn to me and make sure i was okay, i could see a few of the girls wincing at me

little did i know lotte had been on a facetime call with alessia while we were in the gym, she had heard everything from me saying i couldn't do it to me screaming out in pain.

something i didn't want her to see, i knew she would feel guilty she couldn't be here to support me but i needed her to stay in manchester, for me and for her

i couldn't let her see me like this.

i was being silly, i would be back why was i taking this so deeply?

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'call me now' less sent to me

i sighed and sat in my cubby in the changing rooms, the team still out on the field

"hello" i said as she answered the phone

"you've been lying to me, saying its been going great yet i've just been on call with lotte and heard you scream in the gym" alessia said, i knew there was a mixture of reasons for her anger

"it just hurts a little bit alessia, i was being dramatic" i lied trying to play down the situation

"no you weren't alex, i've talked to some of the others at arsenal and they are saying it's a thing that's happening nearly every single day" less said, i cursed myself knowing they would snitch

"why are you telling me it's all going great when it's not?" she sighed

"because i know you'll come down here and i need you to focus on your own career and focus on getting that euros spot" i said as i played with the strings of my shorts

"alex you come first in my life, i don't. care if i miss these euro's because i was looking after you instead" alessia said down the phone

i knew i had to make a new excuse up, she couldn't come down her, i don't care if she's saying i come first in her life she needs to be at those euros this summer

"i don't want you down here alessia, it will get to much i need space from you" i said harshly, hearing the silence on the other side of the phone

"what?" she whispered

"your too much alessia, i need some space that's why i don't want you down here with me right now" i said, bitting back the tears, of course i wanted to be wrapped up in her arms right now but i needed her to put herself before me for once

"you don't mean that" she said in disbelief

"i'm sorry alessia, i should go" i said before ending the call, going into ella's and my messages and telling her to look after alessia for me and to make sure she focuses on getting into the euros

little did i know the mess i had created up north...

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i had some idea that alex was struggling but i didn't realise it was this mad

she used the excuse of wanting me to stay in manchester to focus on my career when really she didn't want me anywhere near her, just like at the england camp before she got injured.

it hurt, how was i supposed to focus on my career when she's just done that to me down the phone, hanging up on me and leaving me in this state?

ella came rushing through my front door, not long after i finished my call with alex

she pulled me into a bone crushing hug, telling me over and over again that it would be alright and we would get past this together

i tried to believe her, i really did, but no matter what i couldn't get alex out of my head

how was i supposed to, i needed answers from her, answer of why she now didn't want me anywhere near me, answer for her acting out at england camp yet i knew i wasn't going to get them

at least not right now, not while she was trying to recover from her injury

i had to try and put her to the back of my mind for the rest of the season and do what she had originally said, focus on myself.

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i'm back for this book... i wanted to get some chapters done for my other book but now i have time i will try and balance both books out.

my chapter for this week for my other book is already basically finished and that's not what i really wanted so instead of fully completing this weeks chapter on the other book i started to write a chapter on this book... it's a lot smaller then what i normally or have recently been writing on my other book so it feels like i waste of a chapter but i want to slowly ease myself back into this book and get back to grips with it so enjoy this small chapter for today!!