Random Oneshots

RPF) Merda (J.F.)

Merda (Joao Felix X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/FC Barcelona

Requested: Yee by @zeptosis  (ILY ZEP)

Warnings: Google translate Portuguese, mentions of being called puta

Summary: The reader wants to learn Portuguese.

W.C. 1004

~~

"I feel left out," You said one day when Joao came back from practice. Immediately, 101 thoughts ran through his head about what you could be left out of. You were pretty close with his friends, you had the freedom to do whatever you wanted, you had the job of your dreams, and you were still able to travel with him whenever you wanted. He always made sure to make you feel included in anything he did, so he had no clue what you could be left out of.

"Am I missing something here?" He questioned as he set his bag down by the door and walked over to where you sat at the kitchen island cautiously. He gently leaned down to see what you were looking at on your computer, and it was Google Translate. "What is this?"

"You and your friends always talk in a language I don't speak!" You exclaimed as you flung your hands up to rest against the sides of your face while you looked over at Joao. "I feel left out of your conversations because there's a language barrier. I just want to know what you're all saying. I want to be part of the conversation."

"I could always not speak Portuguese around you," Joao chuckled in disbelief of the reason as he draped an arm around your shoulders. "It's not that big of a deal."

"But it is!" You almost shouted as you dropped your hands and snapped your head to look at him. "That's your native language, and I'd never ask you to stop speaking it around me, especially not when most of your friends speak Portuguese or something similar. I don't, but I want to!"

"Google Translate won't help you," He chuckled to himself, finding the situation amusing. "I could always teach you."

"But that would require me asking for help," You said simply as you eyed him, "And you know that's something I struggle with. But if you wanted to offer," You eyed him again, gesturing to the screen, "I wouldn't say no."

"Are you busy with Google Translate now or can I take you on a date?" He asked easily as he gestured to the screen.

"Like now? Tonight? Did you not just hear me?" You rushed out as you looked between him and the screen again. "I'm having an existential crisis right now. Can't you tell?"

"I can see," Joao replied, moving to close the laptop. "C'mon, go get ready."

~

The following week you were able to sit down and actually start learning with Joao. It was very laid back for the most part.

"What do you want to learn to say?" Joao started the day by saying. It was a rare day off for both of you, and you were keen to spend the day cuddling away. You were resting against his chest as you just woke, and he decided now was the best time to talk about learning his native language.

"Can we start with cute things? I want nicknames to call you," You said in a quiet tone as you pulled back a little to look at him. "You always call me different things, so it would be nice to know what they mean. Like amour, querida, amada, meu tudo, and fufinha."

"Love, darling, beloved, my everything and cutie," He listed off quickly. "You could call me those as well. Just change the end from a to o. Portuguese is a romance language, and the people who made the language decided to gender every word. It's complicated, but all you need to know right now is that when you talk about a guy or multiple people, the end is an o. If you're talking about a female or a group of all women, it ends with an a."

"So I can call you amouro, querido, amado, meu tudo and fofinho?" You asked a little confused.

"Not amouro, just amour," He chuckled lightly as he left a light kiss on your forehead. "You can also do some funnier names like idiota, meaning idiot, cornel, which sounds bad but means sweetheart, or lindo."

"What does lindo mean?" You asked skeptically. There's no way he would have conveniently left that one out.

"Handsome," Joao whispered into your hair as he moved to place butterfly kisses around your face.

"So, if I started calling you "lindo", would you answer?" You teased as you moved your head around to try and get him to stop the flutter of kisses. "Meu lindo namorado? Did I do it right?"

"Wait, did you just call me your handsome boyfriend?" He gasped as you let out a laugh as you nodded. "But I didn't teach you that!"

"Maybe, maybe not," You shrugged lightheartedly as you turned to get up from the bed. You start walking to your closet to pick out your outfit of the day and head for the ensuite. "Now, come on, minha vida. Last I checked, we had plans with seus companheiros de equipe. I think Pedri, Fermin, and Ferran will throw a fit if we're late for lunch."

"Where did you learn that? My life, your teammates?" Joao got up in shock as he followed you to the bathroom, practically caging you against the sink. "When did you learn all of that? I'm proud of you, but I want to know when you learned that."

"Let's just say I listen," You teased as you pulled his face down to leave a kiss firmly on his lips. You pulled back with a teasing smirk on your lips when he tried to chase your mouth. "Not so fast, Mr." You put a finger to his lips to gently push him back. "Does your mother know you call me "puta"?

"Merda," Joao said under his breath as he looked to the side. He knew this was teasing but that didn't stop him from playing into your antics.

"Fuck me is right," You teased back. "I don't know everything but let's just say I have an idea now."

~~~~~

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BAD268