| | Indefinite Hiatus | |
I hope to return to this project someday, but it isn't feasible with my current health issues and life circumstances. I have to cut things from my workload so I can breathe. However, I still intend to complete my current li...
Source: Utopian Fanfiction Awards 2024 by TheHappyWriters Category: Harry Potter fandom Mature: N (child abuse, torture, gore, attempted murder, mild swearing) LGBTQIAP+: N Status: Ongoing Round 1: 33/40 Round 2: 92/100 Round 3: 92/100 Round 4: 94/100 (1st place) Special Award: Heart Winning
Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. →
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Round 1: 33/40
Title: 9/10
If you're using "devotion" in the sense of loving someone, which I'm pretty sure you are, you actually don't need the "s." "Devotions" is typically used more to refer to religious prayer guides. But this is a clever title, since the canon characters you're centering this around are the Weasley twins, and, although I don't normally like extras in the title, "Harry Potter Fanfic" makes it pretty clear to anybody who doesn't know exactly what to expect here.
Cover: 7/10
This has the feel of a photo booth picture to me. I don't know if that's what you're going for, but that's what I get. To emphasize that informal, casual feel, I'd set the picture at an angle - you know, like when you throw a picture down on a table, and it doesn't land straight. I'd probably still keep your title in a neat horizontal line, but I really think twisting the picture will add something here. Maybe change the font of the title to something more like the handwriting on the picture - not necessarily the same font, but something similar to make it feel like someone tacked this picture in a photo book and slapped a quick label on it. And last thing, your name. I'd drop the "by." I know many people use it, but it's really unnecessary. It's implied, and it just takes up space. Bumping the font up a size or two would help make your name more visible, and I think I'd keep it in this print font, even if you change the title font.
Summary: 8/10
You introduce the plot conflict really nicely here. Girl grows up with boys, girl and boys mature, boys suddenly see her in a different light. Add in some baggage from her past, and we're all set for a good story here. I'd do some tweaking here to streamline this a bit, but your content is good. So, in the first sentence, I'd swap the comma after "year" for a period, cut "more than that," and then leave the rest of it as is. A shorter sentence right at the start of your blurb catches readers better than a longer sentence. You could put a comma after "Oggy" (cute nickname, btw), and a hyphen after "Weasley twins" in that last sentence would really emphasize the difficulty of her decision. And kudos for using the word "vy," although I had to look it up to be sure, but the spelling should actually be "vie." It's a common mistake because of the word "vying." Apparently, there's an older spelling, "vye," but that isn't used much anymore. So. Fact of the day. *shrug*
