| | Indefinite Hiatus | |
I hope to return to this project someday, but it isn't feasible with my current health issues and life circumstances. I have to cut things from my workload so I can breathe. However, I still intend to complete my current li...
Series: The Last Philosopher (book one) Source: Feedback request Genre: Fantasy Secondary/subgenre(s): Humor Mature: N (PG-13: alcohol, animal death, blood, bodily fluids, child abandonment, death, domestic abuse, gore, hunting, loss of a loved one, misgendering, moderate profanity, racism, sexual references, smoking, violence, war) LGBTQIAP+: N Status: Complete First impressions: 38/40 Digging deeper: 97/100 Final thoughts: pending
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First impressions: 38/40
Title: 10/10
Great title. It's ambiguous and intriguing.
Blurb/synopsis: 9/10
This is good. It throws out interesting details that increase the intrigue level, and it seems serious until you get to the last paragraph, which isn't intrinsically humorous, but it still is, somehow. The adjectives you use to describe the different people groups add that touch of subtle dry humor that I really enjoy in your writing.
Two suggestions. I think the second sentence in the first paragraph should end in a question mark, and there should be a comma after "ideas" in the third paragraph. But, otherwise, solid writing here, and I love the intro to the bitter black hole, the discontent wizard, and the escapee, with no spoilers for the rest of the book! I hate blurbs that give too much away. But this doesn't. And I have a soft spot for the little black hole. ;)
Cover: 10/10
I've always liked this cover. Everything fits together so well, even though, on closer inspection, it feels a bit strange, like the individual elements shouldn't go together. But they do. The background imagery, the colors, the accents in the corners, the font choice - it all works. And it adds to the mystery of the title while telling the reader they can expect something in the fantasy realm.
First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10
I love the little quotes to start each chapter. Similar to the blurb, they seem serious, but they also have that subtle humor you're really good at, especially to someone who's read past them and circles around to look at them again.
Ah, the first chapter. Richard, or Dick, the bitter black hole. I really like the little (massive?) guy, even though he's a bit of an egotistical maniac. And I never knew black holes could be funny. You just have a way of writing that makes everything seem serious, until it's not, and a black hole is "spewing radiation" because it's excited, or complaining that it should be the center of the universe that the stars should favor, even if he devours a few of them like "salted peanuts." It's those little touches that just make this so engaging. I was worried at first that this would be a really heavy, philosophical book, with deep thoughts that would make my head hurt, but it's not. There are deep thoughts, and you've woven philosophy throughout, but that dry, subtle humor tempers the philosophical really well and keeps this book accessible to readers. As I noted in inline comments, there are areas where I think you should merge shorter sentences together, and I know you noted those down to look at with your next edit, but that's really the only issue I found with this chapter. Your SPAG is solid, your unique voice is clear, and I kind of like Dick, even though he's pretty selfish. ;)
