T O R N

48

SLAP!

My palm instantly landed on her face after realizing that it was really Lisa. I clenched my jaw and cried even harder.

She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. And the moment she opened it, her brown orbs are now full of tears.

"I'm sorry, Jen" inabot niya ang mukha ko at dahan dahang pinahid ang mga luha sa mata at pisngi ko.

"I am so sorry but we have to stop this. We have to stop whatever we have. Nakukonsensya na 'ko, Jen. And I realized I cannot hurt Irene. I love her. I'm sorry" sinasabi niya yun habang nakatitig siya sa akin. Puno rin ng luha ang mga mata niya at ramdam ko na pinagsisisihan niya ang lahat ng mga nangyari sa amin.

Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. Parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa sobrang sakit. At some point naisip ko na rin ang posibilidad na mangyayari ito pero ipinagwalang bahala ko yun dahil akala ko kaya ko, pero ngayon hindi pala. Sobrang sakit pa rin pala nang katotohanan. At mas lalong masakit dahil mismong yung taong pinagkatiwalaan ko ang siya na mismong bumibitaw.

"Ganun na lang yun, Lisa? Bibitaw ka na lang?"

"Jen, hindi kasi tama, hin— "

"Putang ina, Lisa! Una pa lang alam mo nang hindi tama pero tinuloy mo pa rin! Tinuloy mo! Ginusto mo rin 'to! Tapos ngayon sasabihin mong hindi tama? At ano yung tama, Lisa? Yung saktan ako? Bakit? Dahil bumalik ni si Irene? Kasi okay ka na ngayon? O baka naman kasi dahil nakuha mo na yung gusto mo?" I gritted my teeth as I say those words. Sobrang nasasaktan ako at nagagalit sa nangyayari at naririnig ko.

I watched her as she wet and bit her lower lip. She also heaved frustratedly.

"Ano Lisa, sumagot ka?" Sinigawan ko siya habang tinutulak ang kanang balikat niya habang siya'y naman nakatungo lang at hindi makatingin ng diretso sa aking mga mata.

"Sumagot ka!" mas lalo pang tumaas ang boses ko at patuloy pa rin ang aking paghampas sa kanyang braso.

"Gusto mong malaman yung totoo?" her brows were creased and her shoulders got tensed.

"Malungkot lang ako nun, Jennie. Ikaw yung nandun nung mga panahon na yun at ikaw ang unang may gusto sa mga nangyari sa 'tin. Akala ko ba ayos lang? So, what's with the fuss now? You know what? Everytime we are doing that, si Irene yung nasa isip ko. Alam mo tama ka e. Andito na si Irene kaya hindi na kita kailangan. Masaya na 'ko. Pero maraming salamat sa pagpapainit mo sa malalamig na gabi ko"

PAK!

"Get out! Get out of my room now! Umalis ka na, Lisa. Umalis ka na please! I hate you! I hate you so much!" I pushed her so hard for her to leave the room.

My tears flow non stop as I watch Lisa leaving the room. I hate her. What she told me broke me even more. Hindi ko akalaing ganun ang nasa isip niya whenever we make love. Well for me it was love. I thought she loves me too but all this time, she's seeing Irene and not me. I hate her.

Tahimik ang lahat pagpasok ko ng opisina. Maging si Chaeng at Jisoo ay hindj ako tinitignan. Marahil ay alam na nila ang balita.

"Here" I put down my favorite retro canvass pencil case and pens on Gian's table. He's my intern. The one I lashed out the time when I cannot reach Lisa. This boy has been very vocal in saying how much he loves this set of pens I have. Now, I'm giving this to him as a peace offering and to inspire him more to be one of the best architects in the world someday.

Iniangat niya ang ulo niya at laking gulat niya nang makita ako at ang pencil case na inilapit ko sa kanya.

"Architect?" tanong niya habang salitang tumitingin sa akin at sa pencil case. Hindi siya makapaniwalang ipinapamana ko na ito sa kanya.

I nodded my head and smiled.

"Pinapamana ko na yan sa'yo"

His mouth went agape.

"Pe-pero paborito mo, 'to Ms. Jen" sinubukan niyang ibalik iyon sa akin pero umiling ako at itinago ang aking mga kamay sa aking likuran.

"Iyo na yan. I'm sorry for what I have said last time. I didn't mean that. You are very talented, magaling ka G. Don't let anyone or any words make you question your ability and talent. Malayo ang mararating mo. Lucky charm ko yan at paborito, but now, I am already leaving it to you. Continue to draw beautiful structures and designs, make me proud" I smiled and tapped his head kahit na kailangan ko pang tumingkayad para gawin yun.

He gulped and I can already see the tears forming in his eyes that made me let out a bitter sweet laughter.

"Mamimiss kita Ms. Jen. Thank you for everything. You will always be my best mentor and my idol. Promise po iingatan ko 'to at mas gagalingan ko pa to make you proud" he said habang pipunasan ang nangingilid niyang mga luha.

I smiled and nodded my head. Nagulat ako ng biglang may nagsalita.

"We will miss you, architect" nakapalibot na silang lahat sa akin including the interns, but except Lisa. I guess she's late. Unexpectedly, Irene was also here as I bid my goodbye to everyone coz I already accepted the company's offer to go to Prague and be the Senior Architect sa branch doon dahil retired na yung dating senior architect nila.

Though hindi ko kayang harapin si Irene ngayon dahil sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, naalala ko ang lahat ng mga sinabi sa akin ni Lisa, pero hindi ko rin siya maiiwasan dahil boss ko siya. Hindi ko rin naman magawang magalit sa kanya dahil napakabait niyang tao. Sa sandaling panahon ko siyang nakatrabaho ay talaga namang wala akong masasabing masama sa leadership niya. She's one of the best boss I had in my entire career. Isa pa, wala naman siyang kasalanan para magalit ako sa kanya. Ako yung nagkasala. At kung may taong galit na galit ako ngayon, walang iba kundi si Lisa iyon. Before, I was hesitant to accept it but now I am hundred percent sure that I want this. No, I need this. I need to move on from her at hindi ko magagawa yun kung hindi ako lalayo. Kung araw araw ko pa rin siyang makikita at makakatrabaho. Though, nalulungkot akong maiwan si Chaeng at Jisoo, kailangan kong kayanin ito para sa sarili ko. What Lisa did to me made me question myself. But she's right. Ginusto ko yun kahit na alam ko yung mga posibleng mangyari. Ipinilit ko kahit na sa una pa lang alam kong talo na ko. This time I want to choose myself naman. I want to redeem myself. And I want to love myself.

Chaeng and Jisoo was now beside me, both hugging me while crying.

"Mag iingat ka roon and palagi kang tatawag ha" Jisoo muttered.

"Opo"

"Pupuntahan ka namin don once in a while kaya wag kang masyadong malulungkot" this time it was Chaeng.

I nodded. I heave a deep sigh and tried my best not to cry but I failed when they both said they'll miss me. I hugged them both and also said that I will miss them so much. I've been friends with them for 13 years and this is the first time na mapapalayo ako sa kanila. Mahirap man but I have to do this. Babalik naman ako, hindi ko lang alam kung kailan.

"What's happening?" I heard a familiar voice asked. Hindi ko na kailangang hulaan pa para malaman kung sino siya. I know it was Lisa. Iniangat ko ang ulo ko mula sa pagkakayakap sa dalawang kaibigan ko at nagtama ang mga mata namin. I looked at her with a blank expression on my face. I hate her.

"Ms. Kim already accepted the senior architect offer in Prague, Babe. She's leaving on Sunday" nakangiting balita ni Irene.

Hindi nakawala sa paningin ko ang pagbabago ng ekspresyon ng mukha niya. Magkahalong gulat at lungkot? No. It wasn't sadness. Bakit naman siya malulungkot sa pagalis ko? For sure masaya pa siya.

I creased my brows while looking at her.

She gulped and heave a deep sigh before saying, "Congratulations, Ms. Kim"

I just nodded and turn my back on her and continue collecting my things and putting it all inside the box. Chaeng and Jisoo also helped me. After collecting all my stuff, I went straight in front of Irene and bowed down.

"Thank you for everything, Ms. Bae"

She smiled and I left with Chaeng and Jisoo with me. We passed beside Lisa but I didn't thrown any glance at her.