T O R N

43

"Tinamaan ka ng lintik, Lisa! Ba't ka nag I love you? Do you mean that?"

Tinignan niya ako ng masama. She looks so disappointed at me.

"Of course I mean it! I wouldn't say that if not!" bwelta ko.

Humithit siya sa sigarilyong hawak niya at ibinuga iyon paitaas. She bit her lip out of frustration before looking back at me.

"So, pa'no si Irene? Anong balak mo? Hihiwalayan mo?" taas kilay niyang tanong sa akin.

"No! I can't!" I muttered.

Nakapamewang siyang humarap sa akin at pinaningkitan ako ng kanyang mga mata.

"At si Jennie?"

My brows knitted at her question.

"What about her?"

"Aren't you gonna break up with her?" she questioned.

Silence. I don't know how to answer that question. Pinagtaasan niya ako ng isang kilay, naghihintay ng isasagot ko sa kanya. Umiling ako.

"Ha! I knew it! Nalintikan na. Problema yan. Malaking gulo yang pinapasok mo, Lisa" pailing iling niyang sabi.

Sandaling katahimikan. She's just looking at me. Lumapit siya sa akin at inabot ang balikat ko. She gently tapped it.

"I-figure out mo yang feelings mo. Hindi pwedeng dalawa mo silang mahal. Alamin mo kung sinong mas matimbang and choose. Kasi kung hindi, pareho silang mawawala sa'yo at pareho mo silang masasaktan" she smiled weakly.

"Teka lang Jen, ba't ba madaling madali ka?"

I took my bag and put all my things in there before I look at Jisoo.

"Sorry Chu, I have an urgent matter to attend lang. Mauna na ko sa'yo ha" Lumapit ako sa kanya at nakipag beso.

When I settle my things inside my car, I took my phone out of my bag and texted Lisa.

"I'll wait for you in our condo. I'll cook our favorite. Happy monthsary again, Love"

Ilang sandali pa ay nagreply na si Lisa.

"Happy monthsary, Love. After ng meeting ko diretso na ko dun. Mag ingat ka sa pagdadrive ha"

I smiled after reading her message then put my phone on the holder after sending her a reply. Pinaandar ko na ang kotse ko and I went straight to the grocery store to buy some ingredients para sa lulutuin ko for our monthsary's dinner date.

I smiled after plating everything I cooked on the table. I made sure na maganda ang pagkakaayos at presentable and romantic ang set up nito. I want everything to be perfect since hindi kami pwedeng mag celebrate sa labas katulad nang dati nung wala pa si Irene, kaya sisiguraduhin ko pa rin na magiging memorable at special ang araw na ito para sa amin.

Nang makuntento na ko sa set up ng candle lit dinner namin para mamaya, pumunta na ako sa kwarto para ihanda naman ang sarili ko. I tried many dresses but I can't choose what to wear. Nakailang palit na ko pero wala pa rin akong mapili. I'm starting to get frustrated 'til I remember the cute innocent looking mini dress that Lisa gifted me when we were in Greece. I wear that and look at myself in the mirror and put some light make up on. Then, I smiled and got contented with my appearance now. I'm sure Lisa would love to see me wearing this dress. I took a selfie and send it to Lisa. I waited for her reply but there's none.

"Ah baka nagdadrive" I told myself.

After waiting for a couple of minutes and still not getting any response, I decided to text her again.

"Are you driving? Papunta ka na ba, Love? I'll wait for you, okay? Mag- iingat ka ha. I love you, Lisa" I hit send and heave a deep sigh.

"Darating ka naman diba?" I whispered to myself while staring at my phone. Hanggang ngayon wala akong narereceive na reply coming from her.

I shook my head to clear my mind.

"Darating siya, Jennie. She wouldn't miss this" I uttered convincing myself to believe what I am saying.

Hours passed and I still haven't heard anything from Lisa. Ni isang text wala pa rin akong natatanggap. I look at the wall clock and see that it's three in the morning already. I bite the inside of cheeks to refrain myself from crying but I failed when tears escaped my eyes. Hindi na lang kasi isang beses nangyari 'to. These past few days ang dami na naming dates na inindian niya. She always cancels at the last minute but I never expected this will also happen ngayong monthsary namin. Dati rati siya itong unang nagpaplano kung saan at paano namin icecelebrate ang monthsary namin but everything changed when Irene came in the picture. Nahati na yung atensyon niya at madalas nakakalimutan niya na ako at yung mga lakad namin.  I swallowed the lump in my throat and stand up. I wipe the tears in my eyes and left the table. Hindi na siya darating kaya mas mabuti pang magbihis na ako at magpahinga na lang. Sana ininform niya na lang ako na hindi siya makakapunta para sana hindi na ako umasa at nag effort pa. Hinubad ko ang damit ko at nahiga na sa kama. My tears are non-stop. Kahit anong gawin kong pigil ayaw niyang huminto. Ang bigat bigat ng dibdib ko. I am crying so hard when I heard something. The bedroom door opened. I knew it was Lisa. I didn't welcome her, instead I close my mouth so she couldn't hear my sobs. I acted like I was sleeping though I am not. Nakatalikod ako sa kanya.

Nararamdaman ko yung pagkilos niya at ngayon ay alam kong nasa harapan ko na siya ngunit wala akong tapang na harapin siya sa ngayon. Nanatiling nakasara ang aking mga mata kahit na gustong gusto ko siyang makita. Hanggang sa naramdaman ko na lamang ang pagdampi ng labi niya sa noo ko. Amoy alak siya. Is she drunk? But why? Did something happened? Umalis na siya at naramdaman kong tumabi siya sa akin. Lumapit siya at niyakap ako mula sa likuran. Ang higpit ng yakap niya na para bang ayaw niya kong pakawalan. Pero wala akong lakas para yakapin siya pabalik dahil nasasaktan ako ng sobra.

"I'm sorry, Jen. I'm so sorry" I can hear her whispering behind me. Naririnig ko rin ang paghikbi niya.

Gusto ko siyang tanungin kung bakit siya nagsosorry, kung bakit ngayon lang siya at kung bakit siya umiiyak pero natatakot akong komprontahin siya. Sa higpit ng yakap niya sa akin ngayon, para bang may gusto siyang sabihin pero hindi niya magawa.

"I know you can hear me, Love. And I know you're mad. Well, you have all the rights to be. Palagi kitang nasasaktan. Alam kong nahihirapan ka na. You don't deserve this. You deserve somebody who can fight for you. Somebody who wouldn't hide you to the world. You deserve someone better"

Mas lalong humigpit ang yakap niya at mas lalong lumakas ang hikbi niya. Parang dinudurog ang puso ko. I hate our situation. This sucks!

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ETO LANG MUNA AH. BUSY PA AKO E. PERO I'LL DO MY BEST TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN. THANKS!