T O R N

47

"What's this? Is this all you can do? Eh kahit ata high school student kayang gawin 'to e. This design is a cra— "

"Jen!" Chaeng stopped me.

I clenched my jaw and heave a deep sigh.

"Sige na Gian, go back to your table and revised it" he said to him while tapping his shoulder.

I heard the boy saying sorry to me before he went back to his table. Tumalikod ako at lumabas ng opisina coz I felt the need to breathe.

I am now walking towards the elevator coz I am planning to go to the rooftop for some air when I felt a hand stopping and pulling me.

"What was that? He's just an intern, kawawa naman yung bata, napahiya"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Well kung ayaw niyang mapahiya ayusin niya yung design niya. He's an Atenean like us, tapos ganung klaseng output lang yung ipapakita niya sa'kin? E kahit high school student kayang idrawing yun e. That's trash!"

"Jennie! That's too much!" saway niya habang nakakunot ang noo. I can see the disappointment on her face.

"Kaya nga he's here to learn, hindi para ipamukha mo sa bata na hindi siya magaling. Jen, hindi lahat ng tao kasing husay mo. Nag effort yung bata. He even stay late at night here sa office para lang tapusin yung pinapagawa mo, tapos ganyan? Can't you just give him some credit for that, for his efforts? Isa pa, that kid idolizes you so much! Can you imagine how he feels right now? Alam mo Jen hindi ikaw 'e. Yung Jennie na kilala ko hindi agad agad mabubugnot sa ganitong kaliit na bagay. This is not the first time this happened. Maraming beses na Jen, pero never kitang nakitang ganito. Yung Jennie na kilala ko, tuturuan pa sila at hindi sila ipapahiya sa harap ng iba"

I heave a deep sigh. Chaeng is right. This is not me. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko nagawa yun kay Gian. He's a good and talented kid. I've been like this for a few days already. I know it's because of Lisa coz she hasn't been answering nor returning all my calls. The only information I got about her is hindi pa galing sa kanya. Lahat ng updates na nakukuha ko ay dahil lang sa kaka stalk ko sa social media account ni Irene. Everyday she has stories with her on Instagram. At kahit na araw araw akong parang pinapatay sa sakit sa mga nakikita ko, hindi pa rin ako tumitigal sa pag view ng stories niya. That's how much I missed Lisa. I bit the bottom of my lip and trying my best not to cry but I know I will fail at ayokong makita yun ni Chaeng. Kaya naman agad ko siyang tinalikuran at nagmamadali akong pumunta sa elevator. I can hear Chaeng following me kaya mas binilisan ko pa ang paglakad.

Nang marating ko ang elevator ay agad kong pinindot ang up button. Paulit ulit ko iyong pinindot hanggang sa tuluyan na iyong bumukas. The sight I saw inside the elevator made me cry even more. It was Lisa and Irene kissing, and Lisa looks very happy coz she was smiling from ear to ear. I feel like I am being stabbed a thousand times. I can't breathe.

"Jen!"

It was Chaeng who called me. Her voice called the attention of the two love birds inside. I can see how Lisa's expression changed. Yung ngiti sa labi niya ay nabura at nabahiran ng pagkagulat at nabalot ng awa ang mukha niya habang nakatingin sa akin. I can even see how she's saying sorry to me using her eyes. Kabaligtaran naman niya ang rekasyon ni Irene. She was smiling brightly and she greets me.

"Good morning Ms. Kim"

Bumuntong hininga ako at bahagyang ngumiti bago pinahid ang mga luha sa aking mata. Mukhang napansin iyon ni Irene dahil nawala rin ang ngiti niya sa labi at tila nabalot ng pag aalala ang kanyang magandang mukha. Dahil sa hiya ay itinago ko ang mukha ko at dagling pumasok sa elevator habang papalabas naman sila ni Lisa. Agad namang sumunod si Chaeng sa akin. Narinig ko pa si Irene nang magtanong, "Is she, okay?"

Hindi nagsalita si Lisa at tanging pagkibit balikat lamang ang isinagot kay Irene. I continuously tapped the button but the elavator door seems too slow to close. Bago magsara ito ay nakita ko pang tumingin si Lisa sa akin habang naglalakad sila papalayo ni Irene. Bakas pa rin sa mukha niya ang pag aalala. Ako rin ay nakatitig lamang sa kanya habang patuloy na umaagos ang luha sa aking mata, hanggang sa tuluyan nang magsara ang pintuan ng elevator. Tahimik ang buong byahe namin paakyat sa rooftop. No one dared to speak between me and Chaeng. When the elevator opened, dagli akong pumunta sa rooftop at doon na bumuhos ang lahat ng luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilang kumawala. Napaupo na rin ako sa sahig dahil hindi ko na nagawang pigilan pa ang tuhod ko na kanina pang nanghihina. I cried my heart out, I can't breathe.

Chaeng kneeled down and hugged me. She didn't say anything, she's just hugging and consoling me.

"Chaeng it hurts. It hurts" humihikbing sumbong ko sa kanya habang mas hinihigpitan ko ang aking pagyakap.

"Hush.. you'll be okay. You've been through worst, Jen. I know you can surpass this" she said while caressing my hair. Umiling lang ako at patuloy pa ring umiiyak sa mga bisig niya.

"I'm sorry, I have to leave. If it isn't for Dad, I won't go home muna and stay here with you. Kaso this is his last day here in the country, matagal na naman kaming hindi magkikita— that's why he wanted to see me before he leaves." paliwanag niya habang hawak niya ang aking mga kamay.

I didn't say a word and just nodded.

Chaeng's dad owned a company in Australia and barely come home to visit them. It's either ang dad niya ang uuwi ng Pilipinas or si Chaeng at ate niya ang uuwi ang uuwi ng Australia para bisitahin ang isa't isa. Actually, Chaeng and her sisters are citizens there but they both chose to live here in the Philippines instead. Iba pa rin daw kasi ang saya sa Pilipinas. Minsan lang sila magkita ng Dad niya kaya naiintindihan ko kung nagiging clingy si tito tuwing umuuwi siya ng Pinas.

Chaeng and I also took a half day off because I don't have the energy to continue working after crying so hard. Chaeng actually doesn't have to take a leave too but she insisted coz she doesn't want me to drive by myself daw, baka kung ano pa raw mangyari sa akin. Well she's right. I don't think I can do even the easiest task coz I feel so drained and broken. What I saw on the elevator torn my heart into pieces. That's why I am very thankful that Chaeng was there for me.

"I already made food, huwag kang matutulog ng hindi kumakain ha. At pag may problema don't hesitate to call me" bilin niya at muli ay tanging pagtango lang ang itinugon ko sa kanya.

Bumuntong hininga siya at saka tumayo at hinalikan ako sa noo. Binuksan niya ang pintuan ng kwarto ko ngunit bago siya lumabas ay umakto pa siya ng "call me" gamit ang kanyang kanang kamay.

Nang mawala na si Chaeng sa paningin ko ay muling tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Tila hindi ito nauubos. Niyakap at itinago ko ang aking mukha sa unan na hawak ko at doon patuloy na humagulgol hanggang sa marinig kong tila bumukas muli ang pintuan ng aking kwarto. Marahil aymay nakalimutan lamang si Chaeng kaya siya bumalik. Umupo siyang muli sa tabi ko at iniangat ang aking ulo. Agad na nanlaki ang kanina pang namamagang mga mata ko nang makita ko si Lisa sa harapan ko. Her eyes were also bloodshot and she's staring at me. Her eyes were full of worry and regret.

"I'm sorry, Jen"

_____

Update update! Nangangamoy 💔 ... Dasurv.