Oh, can we get a pause? (Taylor's struggle) (part 3) (final)

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TW: Self harming

It was the second of Taylor's staying at Tree's. She was feeling confident that she was going to return probably by the end of this week home, she was feeling and doing better. You planned a girl's day each week, the first week you went pottery making and today you were going to paint it. That morning you woke up and forced down your breakfast bravely at 7am to then have morning snack at 10am and then be ready for when Taylor arrived at 10:30am to pick you up. After you ate everything, you rested with your mom and then went upstairs to shower and dress. When undressing before jumping into the shower you looked intently at your body, you could see how it was growing. You hated it. Everyone told you that that's what should be happening, that it was a good thing, but you couldn't accept it. Still, you were excited about spending the whole day with Taylor and didn't want to ruin it, so you just took a deep breath and covered the mirror with a towel, then jumped into the shower. After showering you were having trouble on deciding what to wear for the day, everything felt like it was going to be too tight on you. You wanted to wear oversized stuff but were panicking because what if it wasn't that oversized anymore? You opted for just picking a pair of ripped loose jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt that you tuck into them. You dressed but still didn't feel comfortable in your body, you decided to ignore it and apply some light make up and try to do your hair. Just when you were applying some perfume your phone buzzed with a notification: it was Taylor, she was 5 minutes away. You quickly got your bag ready: phone, charger, wallet, AirPods and keys, then headed downstairs to meet Taylor outside. Just when you opened the door, she was pulling up outside, you waved and smiled at her, then hopped into the car, seating in the front passenger seat.

- "Hey Tay" you said hugging her.

- "Hey baby!!! How are you?"

- "I'm so happy to see you and so excited to see how our potteries turned out" you said smiling.

- "Let's go then" Taylor said starting the car.

Within half an hour you were pulling up and went inside. You collected your creations and sat down to paint them. You were talking normally, focusing on painting. Then you decided it was time to ask her if she knew when she was coming back home.

- "How are you feeling? Do you know when are you coming home? Not that I want to pressure you, but I was just wondering..." You said sheepishly.

- "I'm feeling so much better, Tree's been helping me a lot. I think I'll be coming home by the end of the week" Taylor smiled widely.

- "OH MY GOD! REALLY?" You asked excited.

- "Yes! Really"

- "I'm so happy to know that" you replied and took a small and thin brush to paint some details. After some minutes, Taylor spoke up: - "What about you? How are you feeling?"

- "I'm feeling better, I have more energy...." you replied, don't knowing if you should speak to her about how bad you were feeling today with your body.

- "I feel like there's a but coming" Taylor said.

You stayed quiet, picking at the skin around your nails.

- "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. BUT the important thing is that you can recognize those things and remember them when you're feeling bad. You are feeling and looking healthier. Focus on those things that recovery gives you, rather than just the weight gain"

You smiled softly back at Taylor, but all that lingered in your ears was the "you're looking healthier". That could only mean one thing: you were fat. You felt the tears building, but didn't want to make her feel bad, she was just trying to help you and make you feel better. You decided to focus on the painting talk to avoid spiraling. Taylor noticed how your body language changed, and she started wondering what might have gone wrong. You couldn't take it anymore and decided to go to the bathroom to try to calm yourself down alone.

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