Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

So Long, Lizzie (part 3)

HUGE TW: scd attempt

The next days were tough. You were secretly weighting yourself more than a dozen times a day, crying over everything constantly, every meal was full of anxiety, desperation and bargaining, but in the end, you would eat what you were supposed to, no supplements needed, since you were already drinking one at morning and one in the afternoon and didn't want more of those drinks. Since you were decreasing your current antidepressant gradually, to safely start the new one, you felt completely lost and desperate, constantly exhausted and wanting to sleep all the time, yet exercising compulsively and self-harming hiding at night in the bathroom. You were too depressed to even fight the voice in your head, every time it told you to weight or to hurt yourself, you'd do it. The number was going up and you didn't know what to do, but you were also suffering from extreme bloating, after 5 days of following the meal plan, on the sixth day after breakfast you stood on the scale and had gained almost 3lb and it was too much to bear, that afternoon you had a virtual appointment with Dr. Maine, you were attending to your therapy sessions but felt no better, at the next day you had your first appointment and weight in with Dr. Sach. You napped for an hour and were heading downstairs but heard Taylor and your mom talking in the living room.

- "I don't know what to do, Tay. This relapse feels a lot like the first time, except now we know where this is going, she knows it too. I'm desperate here. She's VERY depressed and I try to be there for her, but she doesn't want me to. You both are my whole life and right now I feel like half of it is dying again. I can't do this again. I can't" Andrea said crying.

You didn't want to stay there another second, you didn't even hear what Taylor answered or the rest of the conversation, you just went back to your room and looked for your blade. After they caught your cuts at the treatment center, Taylor and Andrea asked for your blade and took away the scissors you had in your pencil case. They knew that you hid your blade inside your retainer's case, and they opened it and found one. But you were too clever and had a backup blade hid inside one of your books. You opened the book in which you hid the blade and did what you needed to do. The day went as expected and you fell asleep crying after having your afternoon snack.

Taylor told her crew that she needed some days for herself, she wanted to focus on helping you, but it was exhausting for her too. That same afternoon, the one before your weight in, after the afternoon battle, she didn't want to leave Andrea alone with all this mess but needed some time to process all that was happening. She jumped into her car and drove while crying without a specific place to go for half an hour until she knew where she wanted to go, headed over there and pulled up the car when she arrived. She rang the door, and her favorite redhead opened after some seconds. Tree was shocked at how exhausted and sad Taylor looked, her eyes puffy and her mascara all over her face.

- "Tay! What happened? Is everything okay?" She asked letting the blonde in. Tree knew that Taylor was having a rough time with your relapse, she didn't push too hard on Taylor for information, but she was aware that you had an appointment (the first time they took you unadvised) at the treatment center in which you denied everything and refused stepping on the scale, yet she hadn't heard about what happened after that. Taylor walked inside and let her body collapse onto one of the couches, she was crying and holding her right hand against her chest. The redhead closed the door and sat next to her, then spent the next ten minutes switching in between rubbing the blonde's back and hugging her. When Taylor felt like she was safe and could talk, she took a deep breath:

- "It's Lizzie" Taylor proceeded to tell everything to Tree, including what Andrea told her that Dr. Maine said about making peace with the fact that you were very unwell and probably needed to go back to the inpatient clinic.

- "I'm so sorry, Tay" was the only thing that Tree could say without breaking down herself.

- "I don't know what to do anymore, she's so sad all the time. She cries constantly. Some weeks ago, she was pulling away from me, but now it's completely the opposite: she's never the first to ask for company, but when I offer to be with her, she just seems so relieved to have someone by her side. She's scared and when we cuddle to watch a movie or something I see how anxious she is, I can't even begin to imagine what her head is telling her, sometimes she just starts crying but never tell anyone what's wrong. I want her to be okay, watching her like this is torture, she's never been so depressed before. I know that it's probably just for some time while she can take the other antidepressant, maybe her mood will improve, with therapy and eating better, she will eventually start feeling better; but I just couldn't stand being in that house one more minute without breaking down completely. I started driving and felt better after crying but I still felt like I needed something else, I'm sorry for coming here without asking you first if it was okay, I didn't know where to go, I just needed to go somewhere safe" Taylor said still crying.