Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Chapter 17

It was time to tell your friends about it. You wanted to disappear, you didn't want to worry them and, also, didn't want them to force you to eat now that they were going to know.

It was almost recess time, you texted them that you wanted to talk to them, you would be waiting for them outside of their classroom.

- "What's wrong Liz, have you been crying?" Erin asked.

- "I... yeah. I've been crying". You answered.

- "Why? What happened?" Lou said.

- "I really don't know how to say this... remember I told you about all these doctors' appointments that I've been going to ... my mom scheduled them because, with the fainting thing, Taylor and she got worried and related it with my eating habits..." you said pinching the skin over your collarbones. Your friends were listening so mindfully.

You continued:  - "So... they took me to this treatment center for eating disorders. They did all kind of tests on me, blood tests, bone density scan, heart tests... and they... they diagnosed me with an eating disorder."

As soon as you said that out loud your voice broke, and tears started to fall down your cheeks. You were worried about what they were going to say, you thought they were going to say that, since most of the times you ate with them, they didn't think you had an eating disorder. You were terrified that they were going to say something like "but Lizzie, you're not thin enough to have an eating disorder" or like "Really? You don't seem like someone who's struggling".  But, instead, Lou said.

- "We knew something was wrong for a long time, you've changed so much. But I'm not saying this to make you feel bad or guilty, you're one of my best friends, I know when something's off with you" she said glancing at Erin. "I didn't know how to deal with this without making you uncomfortable, but we've noticed how you stopped laughing at recesses, how you're weird around food, how obsessed you're with working out" Suddenly, her voice broke too. Erin spoke up:

- "I guess what we're trying to say is that we knew you were not fine, even though you always say you are. We're sorry about this, I really want to help you. WE really want to be there for you. We want you to be happy, come to the parties we're invited, we want you to be able to enjoy life again".

They both pulled you into a hug in which you were in the middle of them. After a couple of minutes, you said:

- "Thank you so much. But there's something else. I will have to leave school early every single day to go to this treatment center to an outpatient recovery program. It sucks, my mom spoke with the principal, and she said that I shouldn't worry about the academic stuff, that school was going to support me. But I don't want to miss anymore school than I've already been missing these past days."

- "I'm sorry Liz, I know that you hate being absent, hate not being the best student... but this is for the best. Whatever we can help you with, any assignment, we would be glad to do it. We're here for you". Erin said.

- "We love you so much. We will be here every step of your recovery". Lou added.

It was not bad at all. You were grateful you had Erin and Lou as your best friends. They were so understanding and emphatic, they never judge you.

The rest of the day went okay. Your mom had spoken with Taylor while you were at school and she decided that she was coming home to support you on your recovery, as well as help your mom too with this. She had just finished recording the said videoclip of the single and was going to arrive at night. You came home from school and sat with your mom to puzzle together, but you really wanted to work out and burn some calories. Your mom noticed you were anxious, you were erratically body checking your wrists and your collarbones. She tried to distract you a bit and thought that involving it would help your anxiety to see exactly what she was putting in your food while cooking, so she invited you to cook dinner with her. You accepted but told her that she could get going downstairs while you used the bathroom, you wanted to do some jumping jacks to burn off some calories before dinner. You lost track of time and almost 15 minutes after your mom called you:

- "Lizzie! What are you doing? If you didn't want to help me, you could've just said it" she shouted from the kitchen.

- "I'm sorry mom, I'm coming" you shouted back.

You came downstairs with your face red because of the exercise, your mother saw you and said:

- "Elizabeth, were you throwing up your afternoon snack?" She asked.

- "What? No, of course, not"

- "Then tell me why you look like you've been overstraining?"

You considered your options: if you told her you were trying to throw up, she was going to be mad and worried but at least if you ever wanted to work out again hiding in the bathroom, it would be easier to do without her suspecting anything. If you told her the truth, she would also be mad and worried and would probably be stricter around if you were alone. So, you said:

- "Okay, I was trying to throw up. But my throat still hurts from the last time and I couldn't do it this time."

- "Ugh. Come here. When you feel those urges, please come, and find me." she pulled you into a tight hug.

You felt extremely guilty for lying to her but at least you felt less guilty about eating because you exercised.

Hey!!! So, tmorrow's update will be a double one, I promise! Also, Elizabeth is starting her recovery program soon and we'll have more Taylor too :). Btw, I'm currently obsessed with The Alchemy and The Albatross.