Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

This is me trying

Taylor and your mom noticed that you were surviving mostly on safe foods, but this list was reducing slowly. Andrea knew that she needed to act and was planning on confronting you soon. However, she tried to make a soft launch first. One day you came down to have breakfast and she was prepping you some scrambled eggs with toast, a hot tea in milk and some papaya. Your mom had noticed that you were avoiding papaya and wanted to test if it had to do with what she thought. It did: papaya had left the safe food list, and as you saw it you made your way into the kitchen to grab another fruit.

- "What are you doing" Taylor asked finishing prepping hers and Andrea's coffees.

- "I don't want papaya; I'd prefer to have watermelon" you replied. It was a safer option.

- "Why? You love papaya" Andrea said.

- "I just don't feel like eating it today" you said sheepishly as you got the watermelon.

- "No. You're having the papaya today. You don't get to choose your food and to negotiate" Andrea said.

- "But it's literally swapping one fruit for another" you claimed.

- "That's still choosing your intake. Come on, the eggs are ready, sit down and eat" your mom said and you groaned but just walked to the table, thinking of ways you could avoid the papaya, and if not, planning on how to throw up after breakfast (it was also an option), but you preferred just avoiding stuff rather than purging, because you didn't want to risk needing more dental work.

When you sat down you saw that you were having tea in milk instead of coffee, you immediately panicked about the calories in the milk: - "Why do I have this tea instead of coffee?"

- "Your meal plan says that you should have diary at breakfast, plus, you shouldn't be drinking coffee" Andrea said cutting up her own food to eat.

- "But you and Taylor drink coffee daily" you fought back, not wanting to get into the meal plan stuff, because you knew that you were not going to win that fight. Still, you preferred to put some cream cheese on the toast, rather than having to drink the milk.

- "But we're adults. You're still a child" Andrea said.

- "Can I have the toasts with cream cheese on top instead of the tea?" You asked cutting up into tiny pieces the eggs.

- "Why? Don't you want to drink something hot? It's very cold today" Andrea replied, and Taylor looked at her concerned.

- "I just like it more"

- "No, you can't. You're going to eat everything that I've prepared for you" Andrea said.

You started to pinch the skin over your collarbones, extremely anxious about having to eat this. You couldn't do it. Taylor, who was sitting by your side, gently grabbed your hands and took them away from your collarbones. She gave you a sad smile: a silent signal to get you to know that you were body checking and you needed to stop. In an attempt to distract you, Taylor started to talk about her plans on her new album release: it was almost ready. You tried to focus on your sister's story, but it was too hard, you were terrified about the milk and the papaya. You smiled every now and then to appear engaged in the conversation, but you were not even listening to what she was saying. After you were done with the scrambled eggs and the toasts, you tried again:

- "Can I please swap? We've swapped before"

- "No, that was a mistake. I shouldn't negotiate food with you. Would you prefer a supplement instead?" Andrea suggested kindly but steady.

- "No. I don't need a supplement. I'll eat, just not this" you replied.

- "Well, clearly you need it, because you can't complete your breakfast right now"

- "Why does it matter what I have for breakfast? As long as I have breakfast, as long as I'm eating it's okay" you said with tears welling in your eyes.

- "It's not okay, darling. Right now, you're eating only your safe foods, and that list is becoming smaller and smaller every day. That's not recovery" Andrea said warmly.

- "I am trying" you said with tears falling down your cheeks.

Taylor intervened: - "You are trying, but it's good to try outside of what's safe too" Taylor said holding your hand into hers.

You looked at them terrified. It broke their hearts so see you so vulnerable. They encouraged you to push through breakfast, but you were shaking the whole time. Taylor pinched a piece of papaya and lifted it towards your mouth.

You shook your head, but Taylor didn't give up, she held it there.

- "Open your mouth" Taylor said.

- "I can't" you said trying to keep your mouth as closed as you could, to avoid Taylor forcing food into you.

- "You can. You have overcome many fear foods before" Andrea said.

You finally opened your mouth and Taylor put the fork into it. You held the piece of fruit in your mouth for 30 seconds and Taylor spoke up again:
- "Time to chew, baby"

You started moving your jaw, up and down mechanically, counting the times you did it until the papaya was practically liquid. - "Time to swallow, darling" Andrea said tapping your shoulder. Tears welled again in your eyes, and you swallowed it. Instant guilt rose up, you started checking that your fingers still fit the circumference of your wrist. You laid your head in between your arms after crossing them and hid away. They gave you a couple minutes until your mom reached again:

- "Time to go again"

- "Please. I can't. Please" you said wiping your tears away.

- "Then you need to have a supplement" Andrea said standing up to get a chocolate supplement from the fridge, she slid it across the table slowly.

- "Can I have some water?"

- "After you drink half the supplement at least" Andrea replied. Taylor quickly stood up and poured some water in a glass, then handed it towards you.

- "I shouldn't have to drink a whole supplement. Just half" you claimed.

- "Fine. Drink half and we can go chill in the living room"

You did it with tears streaming down and then drank the water. Asked for more water and they agreed, giving you another glass. Then you went to the living room in which they watched you battle your inner demons and the voices in your head, completely zoned out. An hour later you relaxed a bit and cuddled into Taylor as you watched TV, exhaustion hit you and no matter how hard you tried to keep your eyes focusing on the movie, you ended up falling asleep. Andrea was stroking your shoulder and your upper back until she noticed you fell asleep, that's when she also noticed how thin you were again. She could feel the bones in your back, your ribs, your spine, your clavicles. She looked at Taylor heartbroken and just left to her room to cry freely and not be seen. Taylor tried her best to just focus on the movie and every now and then she checked that you were still sleeping.

A couple of hours later you woke up and said you were going to shower, but as you climbed upstairs, your mom was going back to the living room. She stopped you and gently stroke your shoulder: - "I want to weight you, honey"

You looked at her with eyes wide in terror: - "NO" you said and sprinted to your bedroom, grabbed your water bottle that was at least half filled and started to drink water from it. Andrea got there and looked at you with tears welling in her eyes. - "Darling, please, I don't know what to do anymore"

You just started sobbing - "I don't know what to do either. This is exhausting. Please mom, make this stop" you said curling yourself up in a ball on the floor and sobbing loudly.

Andrea walked towards you and helped you stand up; she left you with Taylor who was standing up at the door with tears welling in her eyes too, while she went to retrieve her scales from the hiding spot -still unknown to her that you had already found them and were weighting yourself multiple times a day- she brought them and asked you to step up. You did, still crying, but since you were wearing clothes and had drunk two cups of water, plus the supplement AND the content of the water bottle, your weight was higher than what it really was. Still, it was lower than Andrea and Taylor imagined.

- "We're going to help you, Lizzie. You will be okay. You won't feel like this forever" your mom said pulling your small frame into a tight hug.

THE END.