Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Chapter 35

The following days were challenging, the nocturnal feed was hitting your nerves, however you managed to start eating and within a week you were having all of your morning snack and 1/3 of your lunch with Taylor's and your mom's support. You sobbed the first day but kept on with defying the voice in your head and it had become easier to eat a bit more each day.

Taylor and Andrea were visiting you and Dr. Khan was doing rounds, she came in to see how everything was doing and you took the opportunity to ask her if you could go out:

- "Good morning, Elizabeth, how are you doing?" The doctor asked.

- "I'm fine. Thank you. I wanted to ask you something..." you said picking at your nails, nervous of what she was going to say.

- "What is it?"

- "It's a sunny day, can I go out for a while? I know that I need to go in the wheelchair and that I cannot walk... but I could use some fresh air..." you asked nervously.

- "Are you willing to let your mom or sister push the wheelchair? You can't do it on your own" Dr. Khan emphasized.

- "Yeah! I'm just so bored in this room" you said.

Your mom and Taylor look at each other in amazement, some weeks ago you would've never agreed to let them push you around in the wheelchair. You wouldn't even wanted to go out in the first place.

- "Well... normally we'd like for the patients to be eating more on their own before letting them go out... but I know that you've been working really hard... eat all of your morning snack and at least half of your lunch and you can go out for 20 minutes, deal?" The doctor suggested.

- "Deal!" You answered cheerfully but regretted it almost immediately.

You had your morning snack as you've been doing it for some time now, but after finishing it you started immediately to think about lunch. Taylor could see the panic building up: you were wiggling your legs constantly in your bed and body checking compulsively. She held one of your hands with both of hers to silently show some support but could feel that you were a minute away from a panic attack.

- "Breathe, baby. I know it's scary, but let's think of something else until time for lunch arrives" Taylor said.

- "I shouldn't have made that deal. I'm eating, but I'm still getting the night feed" you said disappointed.

- "But you're eating less than half of your meal plan. It's a step, you're doing great, but it's not enough. When we get back from our little trip, we can discuss under what conditions Dr. Khan is willing to stop the night feed" Andrea said.

You nodded in silence and continued to think of the huge step you were going to take just so you could get pushed around in the wheelchair, like some kind of old woman.

Lunch time came and you were anxious and scared, but you felt like you could really use some fresh air and sun, so you mechanically made your way through half of your lunch. When you were done Taylor and your mom tried to get you to eat a bit more, but you tenaciously refused. An hour after you were done eating and had the rest of lunch through the feeding tube Dr. Khan came in to tell say that you were cleared to go outside for 20 minutes. Your mom and sister helped you get in the wheelchair and Andrea began pushing you around, Taylor walking by your side. You took the elevator down to the first floor and went out for the first time in a long time. Feeling the breeze and the sun in your skin felt incredibly good. Your mom and Taylor took you to a small park that was close and had some walking trails. You saw some kids playing in the park and felt emotional; you missed being so careless and happy. After 20 minutes you were already going up in the elevator again and quickly back in your room.