Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Took a deep breath in the mirror (relapse) (part 1)

Things were kind of steady, or so everyone thought. You had gone back to all kind of behaviors (restricting, exercising, purging, self-harming) but since the weight loss was slower and you had gotten better at pretending that everything was alright, that you were just busy with school -and you were actually excelling at everything- no one had noticed how bad things had gotten again. Ever since the cinnamon roll you were chewing and spitting whenever possible, every time you craved something you would allow yourself to taste it, chew it and spit it out. It was the perfect solution.

One day you got sick again and everything went downhill from there. You had gone to sleep the night before with a sore throat after having it sore since you woke up, but you figured out you might have slept with your mouth open and that's why it was sore. However, you woke up with a burning throat and a general body ache that made everything hurt with just trying to get out of bed. You tried to scream but it hurt too much, and it didn't come out as loud to reach your mom who was probably downstairs prepping breakfast: - "MOM!"

Thankfully, Taylor had just woken up and was about to go downstairs, so she heard you, her head poked around after opening your door:

- "Hey Baby, you okay?" Your sister asked.

- "No" you said with tears welling in your eyes.

- "What is it? What's wrong?" Taylor said moving to your bed.

- "My throat hurts, everything hurts" you said.

- "I'll go get mom, but you're hot, you may have a fever" Taylor said and sprinted downstairs.

Andrea was quickly back with Taylor, you looked very unwell.

- "Tay's right, you're very hot. Let's take your temperature and call a doctor" Andrea said, and Taylor went to get the thermometer, she took your temp, and it indicated a very high fever.

You had never felt this unwell before, you just turned around and fell asleep again until a couple of hours later were woken up by your family and the doctor that arrived. He examined you and concluded that you had tonsillitis and pharyngitis:

- "Your tonsils are very inflamed, as well as your glands. You have a nasty infection that has extended down your throat, that also explains the fever. You're going to need strong antibiotics and lots of rest. If the fever doesn't settle down within two days, or if it keeps increasing, take her to the E.R" the doctor instructed as he prescribed the antibiotics.

You spent the whole day in bed, too sore and weak to even get up and take a shower, shivering constantly. You refused any food or drink, except for the water to swallow the pills. At the next day you felt a bit better, and the fever was settling, you managed to take a shower but came back to bed exhausted from the trip to the bathroom. Your mom and Taylor took good care of you, taking turns to keep you company. Taylor was stroking your hair when Andrea appeared with a soup

- "Can you try and eat something, darling?" She questioned.

You sat down and to their surprise, you accommodated yourself to eat, you were incredibly hungry. You tried to eat but it hurt too much when you tried swallowing the spoonful

- "It's too hot. It hurts" you said crying.

Taylor and Andrea knew that it was true, so they didn't push you to eat the soup. A couple of hours later Andrea appeared again with a supplement cup and a guilty look on her face, knowing you were going to hate what she was about to suggest:

- "You haven't eaten anything, darling"

You looked at the cup terrified.

- "Fine" you reluctantly extended your hand to take the cup.

- "It's cold, might feel nice for your throat" Andrea said.

You took a small sip, and it actually did feel nice. You drank it all, but then your head got very loud, and you started to move around uncomfortably. Taylor noticed:

- "Are you in pain? Or is it the supplement?" she said stroking your hair.

You looked at her sadly: - "Pain. This sucks. The supplement felt good actually, maybe I can have cold smoothie later" a lie, you were going to try to sleep nonstop to avoid them forcing anything else on you, but that made Taylor's eyes lit up, so it worked, she believed that you were trying to eat despite the illness.

- "Great idea. The antibiotics seem to be working, though" she replied.

The next couple of days were a bit better, you were surviving on cold smoothies mostly. They thought that you were having three a day, but you were actually spitting back every single sip of the drink into your metal water bottle and then washing it in the bathroom sink when you showered.

Two days later you finished the antibiotics and were feeling a lot better, but still said that your throat was sore. Your mom called again the doctor and after examining you he said that it was normal to still have pain, since it had been a strong infection. He ordered another round of antibiotics to be completely sure that all the bacteria were dead. You kept "resting" but were exercising compulsively at night and when you went to the bathroom, you were panicking, it had been many days without exercising and you felt and saw your body growing.

Three days later you decided you couldn't take it anymore: you couldn't spend another minute without knowing your weight. You were in your mom's bathroom standing on top of the scales completely naked, waiting patiently for the number to appear, looking intently at that little screen when you heard a very known voice behind you

- "Oh my god"

You lifted your head and saw Taylor's reflection in the mirror, she was going to put back some earrings that Andrea had lent her earlier on the week. You quickly used your hands to try to cover up what used to be your breasts and everything else.

- "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!" you screamed stepping down the scales and moving over to grab a towel to cover yourself with.

Taylor was going to back up and get out, but when you moved, she saw your bones moving. How utterly thin you were. Your sunken stomach, your protruding ribs and hip bones. Every single bone was visible. Your collarbones, your chest ribs. Again. She walked inside the bathroom and locked the door while you covered yourself with the piece of fabric.

- "GET OUT!!" You screamed again. Taylor's opened her eyes, wide in shock and you kept screaming "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT"

"Why?" Was all Taylor could manage to say.

- "I WAS SICK, YOU KNOW THAT" you replied still shouting.

- "THIS IS NOT ONLY FROM LAST WEEK'S TONSILLITIS, WE BOTH KNOW THAT" Taylor shouted back. She never screamed when you two fought, but she was aghast. It was a horrifying view. How could you do this to yourself? How could you keep hurting yourself so much?

You looked at her, a stiffed look on your face, your tone monotone: - "I don't know what you want me to say"

Taylor started to cry.

- "Let me out, please" you said in a more vulnerable voice.

Taylor moved closer to you, but you took a step back: - "Please" you begged.

- "I can't, baby. I see it in your eyes, if I let you out you will run to your room and hurt yourself" Taylor said in between tears.

You just collapsed on your knees, sobbing.

- "How long has this been going on?" Taylor said hugging you.

- "I don't know...a couple of months" you said holding her tight.

- "We need to do something about this, Liz"

- "I know" you replied not letting go of her.