Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

So low you can't feel nothing at all (part 2) (final)

Your family left and it was time for afternoon snack, you walked to the dining room, absolutely convinced that you were going to manage to eat at least something. Yet, when it was time to sit down and actually do it, you just stared at the food completely terrified. You were telling yourself that at the count of three you were going to lift your hand and pick the spoon to take a bite, but every time you were going to get to three you panicked and started over again. You didn't realize how quickly time went by, but within a few rounds of "to the count of three" your plate was taken away and you were presented with an additional cup of supplement for you to make up. You were mad at yourself, mad at everyone and everything. The nurse encouraged you to drink the supplement but within a couple of tiny sips the guilt became too much to bear, and you shut down. At dinner you managed to eat half the plate of vegetable soup. You felt guilty and wanted to disappear, then spent a horrible night because of the screaming voices in your head.

At the next day you were woken up earlier than usual, you were so asleep that you didn't realize it and just went to take a shower and get ready without a fuss. When you came out of the bathroom, Dr. Wilson was there with a tray and everything ready to insert the nasogastric tube.

- "NO! NO! I tried!" You said in distress.

- "You did, but I was not enough. When I said that we were going to do this if you didn't start eating, I meant eating everything"

- "Nope. I'm not letting you do this" you said and prepared to run away, but the nurse that watched you while you showered was fast enough and held you tightly.

- "I'm sorry, Elizabeth, but we warned you yesterday. It's either try this or send you directly to hospital" Dr. Wilson said, and the nurse guided you to the chair. You started to trash around, trying to stand up and moved your arms to push the doctor away. - "I'm serious about this, Elizabeth. This is your last chance; we're not going to support and allow this"

It was the first time that you saw Dr. Wilson being so serious. There was not the usual kindness and warmness in her tone. No matter how hard she needed to be on you, she had always been affectionate and compassionate. But there was no trace of that, her tone was flat, she was sharp. You looked up at her and stayed still, stopped trashing around. Another three nurses appeared in the room and each of them stood by each your limbs, in case they needed to hold you again. Deep down you wanted to cry and scream, but on the outside, all they saw was a fragile teen, her ghostly frame, her lifeless eyes, her cracked and purple lips, her dry skin and her brittle hair. That teen's expression, though, didn't show a thing. Your face was still, blank and inexpressive.

The doctor moved closer with the tube and prepared to insert it through your right nostril, you held the armrests firmly and then the doctor gently held the back of your head with her left hand to prevent you from moving and to have better control of the tube placement. Once it hit your nostril you couldn't help it, tears started to stream down your face.

- "I want my mom. I want Taylor" you cried.

The doctor started pushing the tube and you began to move your limbs furiously to try to push her away, but the nurses held you steadily.

- "PLEASE. PLEASE. I can't do this. I NEED them"

You tried moving your head, but the doctor held it firm.

- "Relax, it'll be over soon and then you can call your family" the doctor said.

- "NO! I want them now. I want them" you sobbed but the tube hit the back of your throat, and you couldn't talk or cry anymore. You were just frozen and helpless as Dr. Wilson kept pushing the tube down. When she was done, she secured it with tape to your cheek and gently took your hand to move you to the bed and then asked for the iPad to call for you to call your family. The doctor kindly called them, and Andrea's face appeared in the screen, a terrified look on her face: