Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Chapter 46

A week had gone by, and you were trying really hard to eat everything, but since you had cut exercise completely, your anxiety was rising remarkably, so eating was tough. You were eating about 60% of your meal plan and completing the rest with supplements. You were also really depressed, since eating was taking most of your energy, engaging in group therapy and activities was even harder. However, you were forcing yourself to assist to your daily individual therapy. You found helpful to talk about your feelings and thoughts, it was liberating. You were calling daily your sister and mother, they could tell how sad you were, on Monday Andrea decided to call Dr. Wilson to ask her about your intake, since she knew that it was even harder for you to eat when depressed.

- "Hello Mrs. Swift, she's eating about 60% percent on her own and having the remaking 40% via supplements. She gained 1.7 lbs. in this morning's weight in, she's not engaging much in group therapy and activities, but she's making progress by attending to her individual sessions". Dr. Wilson explained to your mom.

- "Okay, I'm glad to know that. But I know she's really sad, that worries me a lot" Andrea replied, kind of relieved to know that you were gaining weight and trying your best.

- "Yeah. I've been thinking about increasing her antidepressants dosage. I wanted to discuss it with you on Wednesday, but we can do it right now... I'll see Elizabeth at our tomorrow's appointment, I can tell her about it too" Dr. Wilson said.

Andrea asked a bunch of questions to the doctor and finally agreed to the antidepressants increase. When Dr. Wilson told you about the decision made with the antidepressants you didn't even fight about it, just nodded in agreement, hoping the increase would make you feel a bit better.

- "Elizabeth, I think it's necessary for you to engage in group activities and therapies, it would be beneficial to start socializing more and getting out of your room" Dr. Wilson suggested.

- "I'm so tired all the time. But I can try" you replied.

On Wednesday you were eager to see your sister and your mom. They were entering your room just in time, they didn't want to miss any minute with you.

- "How are you doing, darling?" Your mom asked hugging you.

- "Meh. I'm trying. I'm eating what I'm supposed to. But I'm so tired and I feel so empty all the time. Dr. Wilson said that I need to start going to the group activities and therapies. Today I went to one, it was good. I just really hope this gets better, I hate feeling so sad and lonely" you said.

- "It will get better, Liz. You are doing really good. I'm so proud of you" Taylor said stroking your hair.

Taylor braided your hair while Andrea helped you decorate a bit your room with some drawings Lou and Erin made for you and sent you. When Taylor and your mom left, you headed to the dining room to have afternoon snack. Taylor and Blake were having dinner together, since Blake was finally back from filming a film in Canada. Taylor told Blake everything that had been happening and cried while Blake comforted her. Blake knew about the hospitalization but didn't know how bad everything had gotten, she even felt guilty for leaving Taylor like that and just texting her a couple times a week to see how everything was going, but not actually calling her.

After another 3 weeks everything was getting slowly and gradually better. In your fourth weight in you reached a 6 lbs. gain, you were eating everything on your own and you were granted a hospital leave for two hours on Thursday afternoon. You were less tired and had more energy, you were starting to participate in the group therapies and activities. You were finally seeing how fueling your body gave you energy to socialize, to be looking forward to the next day, rather than just waking up waiting desperately to be able to go to sleep again. You were also starting to differentiate between your sick voice and your healthy voice, and even though the sick one was screaming loudly almost always, you were able to point out that it was your sick voice trying to sabotage your recovery.