Not having the capable strength to get out of bed sometimes isn't to do with being lazy. It's because you're afraid to face people and the world, you feel safe in your bed. Or just just can't get up mentally.
Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily.
When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist.
Phil felt like he was being stabbed when waking up to the reminder that it is, in fact, his mums birthday. He had already made up his mind that he wasn't going to be positive.
If she was alive he would've made her breakfast in bed, maybe done her a drawing and tell her a cheesy poem or two. They could've went into town and fed the ducks at the river and then went for a posh meal, but of course that can't happen.
Phil hides his face into his pillow, gripping at his bed sheets as he curls up, trying so hard to contain his emotions.
The house still smells of her and it's a constant reminder of her passing.
His father did come in and check on him, actually bought him some toast and ruffled his hair before leaving to set up the church. As if that's any help to the situation.
It's just no help either consider it it's half ten and Dan was supposed to have arrived half an hour ago. Phil has managed to get dressed but he then went back into bed, not being strong enough to face this awful day.
Why did he almost predict that Dan wasn't going to show up?
Gut instinct.
Although his phone vibrates and Phil nearly doesn't want to answer, knowing it's probably Dan with some crap excuse. But when has he not ever complied with anything to do with Dan?
From Dan:
Open ur front door.
Without a second thought Phil whips up and quickly brushes his hair, popping a mint into his mouth and letting out a sigh of frustration at how he sees himself. Ugly.
The knock on the door makes him get back into the real world and head down the stairs, opening the door slowly and peeking around the corner.
His breath hitches when seeing Dan in a shirt and blazer, a cluster of flowers in his hands. Another thing is, his hair is wavy.
"Sorry I'm late." The brown haired boy says, holding out the flowers with wide innocent eyes.
Phil timidly reaches out for the bunch of tulips and roses, his fingers skimming over Dan's at the exchange. Yet as he pulls them close to his chest, he spot a glint of guilt in Dan's eyes, then he realises just what state he's in.
He, like before, has dark circles under his eyes and his lips are past swollen and not to mention he has a fresh hickey; just like before.
Now, at this moment he doesn't know how to react, he doesn't know whether to just slam the door on Dan's face or accept this apology- or whatever this is. Phil knows he wants to accept Dan with open arms because hell, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't happy to see that dork at his door.
But it's clear what he did last night and it breaks Phil to the core. It makes him feel sick and unwanted again.
With a tired sigh Phil just nods and steps back from the door way having had enough of being alone, even if it is with his fuckboy of a best friend. Dan walks in slowly, his eyes perched at the edge of his sockets with how concentrated he is on watching Phil.
"Are the flowers for me?" Phil asks, peeking up through the petals and taking a short sniff.
Dan nods with a shy smile.
YOU ARE READING
Take me to church (Book 1)
FanfictionA boy raised around religion and the discounts for sin, Phil Lester is definitely not one to go around looking for trouble. With his father being the vicar of their local church, Phil has a lot to live up to and has to keep his reputation high if he...
