Take me to church (Book 1)

48- Mark My Words

In all honesty, a car isn't the nicest place to sleep. Considering Phil is pretty tall anyway, he had trouble getting comfortable in just his own bed, let alone in PJ's car. His eyes managed to shut but his mind was still forming scenarios that kept him awake.

Truth be told, it's given him time to think about Dan and the situation. He knows it's possible for Dan to get his memory back, but how long will the church boy be willing to wait?

The thought has crossed his mind. A thought that he had tried to keep away and push back within the deep depths of his mind. The thought that maybe, Phil could just... Leave.

He and Dan weren't exactly the best of friends before the crash and although he knows he would miss Dan to no ends of the earth; maybe it's for the best.

Dan wouldn't miss him.

He doesn't know enough of Phil to miss him anymore. To Dan, he is a stranger who claims to be his boyfriend. He's lucky that Dan even believes him. In all honesty, there was a wasting worry that Dan would reject him completely, casting the church boy away in disbelief that he spent his time on him at all. Never the less, it's uncharitable to leave Dan in this state.

Even so-- no. He wouldn't miss Phil at all.

The only people who would miss him is PJ, Emma, Louise, his grandma and maybe Chris- considering the circumstances. Probably Charlie would even miss him more than Dan.
Then again, it's because of Charlie that Phil is hesitant about leaving. Charlie could easily waltz back into Dan's life, put on his innocent show and swoop him back in his arms again.

If there's one thing Phil won't allow to happen, it's that.

His hands are tucked into the pockets of a blemished light salmon cardigan he found in PJ's car. Granted the boy only has his pyjamas on still, so no one can blame him from getting cold in such thin material.

Patients and staff walk past him down the corridors, some seemingly happy and others... Not so much. Phil probably fits into the later category. His face can't help but hold the features of a frown. A saddened look held in his eyes-- one of which causes a few people to give a second glance. They most likely think he's ill or dying.

He's not dying. But he almost wishes he was.

As he climbs the stairs to the next floor, he wonders if PJ spoke some sense into Dan and managed to somehow jog a memory? He doubts it. And he wishes he hadn't left them two alone together. Of course, he forgives PJ, but that doesn't mean to say he trusts him.

He so badly wants to hug Dan normally again without having to be careful. He wants to get the same rush he would get when Dan would go in for a hug and their cheeks would brush. He wants to kiss his lips and have the room glow, their noses always knocking by some angle. He wants to do that right now, but he can't.

Of course Dan wouldn't exactly object, but to him, it would mean nothing. The kiss to Dan would just be another kiss out of a million he's already received from others.

Just as Phil reaches the top of the stairs, his legs give out. His hand reaches forward to grab on to the railing as he falls, but he misses. Luckily, he doesn't smash his face on to the stairs as someone quickly catches him by the waist, supporting him back to his feet.

"Why is it always me saving your ass, Lester?"

Phil quickly spins around and grabs the person by their collar at hearing their voice, their breath not even having a chance to brush past Phil's ear as he has him pinned to the railings. Phil's not even remotely phased by the fact they're situated at the top of a flight of stairs.