Part Of Me (Ereri / Riren)✔️

Breakeven

Erens PoV-

Cold.

That's how I lived my life, cold. I never knew what it was like to be warm. I was always shivering, wearing hoodies and jackets to warm myself, but it never succeeded. I would wrap myself in numerous blankets, catching any warmth possible, but it would disappear. Ever since I was born I've been cold. I've been searching for warmth, all my life.

I tapped my window, catching the attention of the dove near my fire escape. I kept tapping until it flew away, probably annoyed by the ignorant sound. I closed my eyes, and let out a sigh from my pale pink lips. A few ice crystals formed on the window; don't worry I'm not that cold, it's just winter. The worst season. It made my condition even worse than it already was.

I let out another shiver and curled tighter into my ball of blankets, tucking my cold metal necklace under my wool sweater.

I felt a soft knock erupt from my doorway and my sister, Mikasa, strode in.

She already found her soulmate, Annie, so she was warm and didn't need to wear her necklace anymore. However, she still kept it coiled around her neck loosely, a sign she wouldn't leave her love. The government thinks the necklaces is a good thing since you don't have to go through the pain and heartbreak of divorce or loosing a girlfriend or boyfriend. I only kept mine hidden away because once I met my soulmate, I would know. Not only by the warmth, in which I can't hide, but by feelings.

Yes, feelings.

Mikasa trailed in and set the small tea cup on top of my nightstand, steam radiating from the green tea and above into the air. Once I had grabbed the cup it almost immediately stopped.

I sipped it, as the warm liquid fell down my throat, soothing the pain. Although it quickly went away, and the pain of the cold came back, and I was freezing once again.

I let out a silent shiver and sipped it again, feeling the half second of warmth and then the eternity of cold pain. "How are you doing, Eren?" Mikasa sat next to me on my small, worn out bed, folding her pale hands onto her lap as she paid her whole attention to me again. I shrugged and set down the empty glass tea cup softly. "Cold." I muttered out quietly under my breath as I looked away from her harsh gaze.

Truth is, I envy Mikasa, she has warmth, love, compassion. Of course Mikasa loves me, but as a brother, I wanted love, like love love. More than just friendly.

Passion. Drive. Lust.

I can't say I'll never find it, because I was born with a necklace which means I'm bound to find someone. There are some people who die and haven't been able to find their soulmate, and I don't want that to be me.

I want to find my love. I just wish I had found them sooner. All my friends have someone in their life, found their other half, other part, other piece. I'm still missing mine.

My other part, other piece.

My heart has a hole and it hasn't been repaired yet, still broken and alone. Cold. Armin has Erwin, Jean has Marco, Annie has Mikasa, Krista has Ymir, and Sasha has Connie. Then I have no one to love or hold. Everyone is born with a different symbol, I have seen mind, but only when I wake up, I rub it between my fingers and wish for my love to appear before me, with open loving arms.

I let out another sigh as I spaced out in my sad train of thought. Mikasa place her warm hand on top of mine, making me let out another shiver.

It didn't feel warm, but I knew it was warm due to her love being so close. Annie was actually in the room next to us, probably soaking up all the warmth radiating between the two. I wrapped the fuzzy blanket closer around me and ran a hand threw my hair.

"Look, you're gonna have to get out of this house sooner or later, you do have a job ya know? You can't keep calling in sick." Mikasa cooed and rubbed her thumb on the back of my hand reassuringly. I let out a soft groan before pulling my self and tugging on the mandatory uniform.

I worked at a library, nothing special, just a simple 9am to 5 pm, Monday to Friday, job. Armin and Jean are my co-workers, although I don't really like Jean, but Armin is my best friend since we were like 4. I always think Armin pities me, not having my soulmate at 19. It wasn't very common, but it wasn't like, rare.

I've always wondered what's it's like to be warm, to feel warmth, to hold someone and feel their warmth radiate off them on absorb into you. I stepped out of the apartment Mikasa and I share, and started my slow walk to my library. It was a quiet, simple walk, the cold breeze flowing through me, making my hair move with the wind and sway as I walked.

I kept my pale cold hands stuffed inside my pockets and my head tucked under a hood, every time I let out a breath, a small puff of air could be seen. Like a little cloud of cool air. I took a right and walked into the library, feeling the dramatic change in temperature, but it had not effect on me. I closed my eyes and walked behind the counter, typing my name into the computer, then punching in my card, showing I made it to work 5 minutes earlier than usual.

It was 8:55, which means I had 5 minutes to myself. But that alone time was ruined when Armin and Jean stepped through the back room, with small cart packed with different kinds of books.

"Eren..." Armin said with a pitiful expression. I growled harshly and looked away. I despised pity, I didn't need it nor did I want it. "Yes?" I snapped in a mean way, almost immediately regretting it for such harsh words against my best friend, who only is looking out for me and feels bad and just wants to help.

I just sighed for the 10th time today and let my shoulders slump down sadly. I was losing hope, losing more warmth every day. "You're more pale, are you feeling okay?" That question stopped me, was I okay? Was I okay with not have a soulmate right now? Was I okay with never feeling warmth even at age 19? Was I okay with never feeling true love? Was I just okay?

"I'm fine, just...." I paused and looked at the dusty old books that haven't been checked out in years, then at the old rug with some coffee stains from people tripping and spilling their cappuccino on the rustic red carpet that covered the floors. Then the rusty chandelier, swaying side to side, slowly and barely able to be seen. Then the old computers, more dust layering over it, as those haven't been used as well in month maybe years.

"Cold."