I don't want to hurt myself
Every time I open up about it I feel so guilty
And I think I must be the most selfish and manipulative person on the planet
Because how dare I put other people through that when they're already hurting
But the truth is sometimes I feel like when I hurt myself is the only time anyone actually cares.
Because when I act like I'm fine they assume I am.
What a horrible thing to think. But I'm addicted to that feeling, that validation. That look that says, I see you and I understand you are struggling. That look that says I'm worried about you. That look that says I would actually notice, and I would care if you weren't here anymore. And the scars that remind me I'm real, that my pain is real and it's not all in my head.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I need validation and I need reassurance and this is the only way I know how to get it.
