She's only being nice because she doesn't want to break up but everything would be easier if we did. I'm not going to try anymore. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for everything. I didn't want any of this to happen. Gods I'm so manipulative. What is wrong with me? I'm literally doing it right now. I shouldn't have told anyone. Why is she acting like everything is okay nothing is okay. I wish she would just tell me what she's thinking. I always think I know and then I'm wrong. Sometimes I think I haven't matured at all. I'm still the same person I was two years ago. I'm still a masochist, I'm still addicted to external validation. And I'm still a burden on everyone. I promised everyone I'd do better but I haven't changed a bit.
