And I want to scream how dare you do this to me
How dare you touch me and tell me pretty lies
How dare you trick me into feeling like I was lovable
I know I'm not a good person but I didn't deserve all that
I was in over my head
You were the one who initiated everything
And then you stopped and never gave a reason
And I spent months and months trying to figure out where I went wrong and trying to get you back but all I did was make things worse
I started to take a lot of comfort in shrinking myself
For a while everything was numb and it was okay.
I was so numb that I didn't even care that you didn't love me.
But then I just couldn't anymore.
We took a break for a few months and I needed those months to be away from you so that I could actually get better
But then we got back together and I was happy for a little bit but I could tell things were different
And I miss you.
I miss you so much it's like there's this gaping hole in my chest every second of every day and it's killing me that we keep growing further apart and you don't even care
You don't even care that you're losing me
You don't even fucking love me
Do you even know about the conversations I make up in my head that keep me up at night
Do you know how many times I've just lost it and started crying because I'm so terrified that this the best I will ever have
That I'll spend the rest of my life begging for someone to love me the right way
I'm so sick of this
I'm upset and you start crying and playing the victim and I have to comfort you and say it's okay even though it isn't.
I'm so sick of settling for less
I'm so sick of pretending I'm okay when I'm not because I can't tell you how I feel without you doing this again
I just need you to listen to me
You knew how I felt, you knew that I felt like you didn't love me and you still did nothing
