I know he was just joking, but it still bothered me. You know I'm sensitive about all this stuff, I always have been. And I told you just the other day about how it never feels like the right time and it feels like Eleanor doesn't like me that way. And I meant it because she pretty much never wants to do stuff like that so please don't hate me for jumping at the opportunity. So what if it was just second base or whatever? Every couple is different and that's totally fine. I'm afraid Eleanor will think I'm a whore or something for offering to take my clothes off, it's just that I've been insecure about my body since pretty much always but she makes me feel so safe and like I don't have to hide. To be honest I wish Eleanor would be a little more confident. I feel like she's forgetting that we've been together for almost two years and we've done this before. It's hard to pretend I want to take it slow. The truth is I don't think I was ready the first few times but I'm definitely ready now. Everyone says I don't have to be insecure or embarrassed about this stuff but I have this fear that they're lying, that if I do something then everyone will say I'm disgusting and things like that. I know that won't happen though, right? Anyway. I feel bad about Will. I don't know how to help him. I wish I always knew what to say, what to do to make things better.
