I know exactly what you're thinking: you can't just use your mental illnesses to get away with being a shitty person
And you're right, I need to stop acting like I'm a victim when I've always been the problem
I just wish I could go back in time to that day
And save myself from becoming the person I am now
Maybe then I wouldn't be such a horrible person
Maybe then I would be able to stop causing problems
Maybe then I could be happy
Gods please just let me be happy for once
I'm not strong enough to go through this again
You don't know, you can't know what it was like
Days that felt like weeks
Nights that felt like months
A constant war inside my head
Mental torture that never ceased
And they say talk to someone but how are you supposed to do that when people are afraid of you
And it's nothing compared to how afraid you are of yourself
Only when you were there did the pain lessen but it came back the second you left
And man did I hate you for leaving
I'm not being fucking dramatic when I say
I would rather die a thousand times than go through that again.
