Kayla, what you're experiencing right now is what we call a BPD episode. Remember we've talked about those? They can last for hours or days, and it's when your emotions feel so big and so intense that they take over everything else—your thoughts, your body, your actions. It can feel like you're completely out of control. One minute you feel euphoric, the next minute you're so angry and the next you feel completely numb, empty, and like you don't care about anything.
These episodes can be triggered by something that feels like rejection, criticism, or abandonment, even if it's small. Your brain might be interpreting something as a threat, and it's reacting in overdrive. The feelings are real and valid, but they can also feel unbearable, and that's what we're going to work on together. Take a deep breath with me. Slowing your breath tells your body, "I'm safe right now," even if your emotions are saying otherwise.
Whatever you're feeling right now, it's okay. It's not too much, and it doesn't make you "bad" or "broken." You're reacting this way because you've been through hard things, and your brain is trying to protect you. It's okay to feel what you're feeling, but we're going to help you manage it so it doesn't take over.
Alright, let's talk about what's happening. I want you to know you're safe here, and I'm here to help you understand what you're going through.
During a BPD episode, your emotions might be so intense that they affect how you think and act. You might feel an urge to act on impulse, like saying something hurtful, quitting something important, or doing something risky—like self-harming, or making sudden decisions. It's not because you're trying to be reckless; it's because the emotions feel so big that you're looking for a quick way to cope or release the pressure. You might find yourself snapping at people or feeling a sudden wave of anger. Sometimes it's over something small, but it feels huge in the moment. It's like the frustration builds up and needs somewhere to go. On the flip side, you might shut down or isolate yourself. Maybe you avoid people because you feel like you're too much, or you just don't have the energy to explain what's going on. If you're worried about someone leaving or not caring about you, you might constantly ask for reassurance, or feel really panicked about the relationship. This isn't about being "needy"; it's because you care so deeply and the fear of losing someone feels unbearable. You might find yourself seeing things or people as all good or all bad. For example, someone you care about might seem perfect one minute, and then if something goes wrong, it feels like they're terrible or that they've completely let you down. After an episode, you might feel really guilty or ashamed of how you acted, or you might start telling yourself things like, "I'm too much" or "I ruin everything." And sometimes, if things get really overwhelming, you might feel disconnected from yourself or your surroundings—like you're watching yourself from the outside or like nothing feels real.
Now, let me tell you something important: None of this makes you a bad person. These behaviors aren't choices—they're reactions to emotions that feel too big to handle. And the fact that you're here, wanting to understand this, shows that you care about yourself and the people in your life.
When you feel like this, the goal isn't to stop the feelings entirely—because you can't just shut them off. Instead, we focus on ways to ride through the emotions without letting them control you.
If you feel like yelling or acting impulsively, take a moment. You don't have to act on the emotion right away. Try saying to yourself, "I can feel this emotion without letting it take over."
Right now, the feelings might feel like they'll last forever, but they won't. Emotions are like waves—they rise, peak, and eventually fall. You don't have to "fix" the feeling; just focus on riding it out.
Talking to someone who understands, like a trusted friend or your therapist, can help. Even saying, "I'm having a hard time right now" can make a difference.
What you're going through is real, and it's hard, but it's not permanent. These episodes don't define you—they're just moments in your life. And with the right tools and support, you can learn to manage them and feel more in control. You are not your emotions. You are not this episode. You are a person who is feeling a lot right now, and that's okay. I'm proud of you for being here and for trying to work through this. That takes strength, even if it doesn't feel like it.
