Because I can't let this be the reason our relationship is ruined. I truly don't think I could find anything better. It's not like I have many options to begin with. But even if I did, we've been through so much together and I really can't imagine being with anyone else.
People keep asking what I want and it's complicated. I know that we tried using a strap-on once and I did not like that at all so I don't want that. I know that I do like when you sit on my lap or I sit on yours and we kiss and kiss and kiss but that's not sex and yet it's still not okay for some reason. I really really like when you take my shirt off and kiss me all over and say I'm beautiful and other things like that and I feel so safe and like nothing bad will ever happen ever but that still isn't sex I don't think, but what do I know? I don't know anything beyond that because we haven't done much else. But anyway, it doesn't matter. I don't want any of those things if you don't want me. If it's fake and you don't mean any of it I don't want anything at all.
I'm sorry. It's not fair for me to keep doing this, you set a boundary and I need to stop trying to overstep it. Even if I don't understand you. This is the last time I say anything. I promise.
