I Don't Care If Heaven Won't Take Me Back

Chapter Thirty Two

I woke up to a bright sun and unfamiliar room, I tried to sit up but two things stopped me, the worst headache in the world and an arm draped over my waist. I quickly froze as I didn't expect an arm around me I moved my head to see Kian. That wasn't the only thing I realized I wasn't wearing any clothes. Oh god how drunk did I get last night? How could this even be happening to me right now. I tried to move gently out of his grip not to wake him but that didn't work.

"Good morning" I heard him say in a groggy voice next to me, I looked over to him as he rubbed his eyes from his tired state.

"Morning" I said quietly getting out of bed.

"Where are you going?" He asked sitting up.

"Look obviously we hooked up last night but I'm not looking for anything and you know how I feel about jack i-"

"Kate" he said laughing interrupting me "I'm not looking for anything either I was just asking because I'm your ride" he laughed standing up to put clothes on.

"Oh" I said kind of embarrassed while I finished getting dressed.

I got dressed quickly then walked into the bathroom. I look like a hot mess. How could I have let that happen last night. The last thing I remember is I was missing jack then I wake up next to kian? I tried not to think about it but couldn't help it. Once he was finished getting ready we went to the car and he drive me back home.

"What I said earlier.. It kinda sounded like I was using you for sex" Kian said as we pulled up to my house.

"No it's okay, we were drunk" I awkwardly laughed looking out the window.

"We're good then?" He asked.

"Yea of course" I smiled "I'll call you later"

I got out of the car and went inside. I decided the best thing to do would probably be to take a nap and forget last night ever happened.

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I tried to sleep and I did for a while but not long. I started to think about the basketball camp and how much that could help me. I know it's a long time to be gone but maybe I need to do it for myself. I called both my mom and Katherine and asked them their opinions on it, they said do it. They offered to each take turns bringing Stella out to see me so I wouldn't have to go with out her for, four whole months because I don't think I could have the heart to do that. I can trust jack with her he's an amazing dad it just will he be okay with it? It's a long time to be gone. But even Kian said if he gets to live his dream can I live one of mine?

I texted jack and asked if I could stop by to talk to him. He said Stella had just gone down for a nap so it would be the best time to go over there. I'm nervous to see him because let's face it I'll want to jump on him and connect our lips but I'm also nervous he will say no. Once I got there he was sitting on the front porch no one else was home I didn't see any of there cars at least.

"Hey" I said getting out of my car walking up to him, I decided to sit across the table.

"Hey" he said back "what did you want to talk about?"

I sat silently for a moment trying to think of how to word it. I don't know why I am so nervous "Kate it's me, you can say anything"

"Okay" I sighed "I got a call from Coach White the girls coach from Duke University. I got offered a full scholarship to there basketball camp"

"That's great Kate" jack smiled towards me.

"It's not a weekend camp, I would be gone for, four months" I said nervously.

"Oh" was all he said looking down at his feet while I sat here awkwardly "would you be Abel to be away from Stella that long?" He asked.

"I already talk to both of our moms, they said they would take turns bringing her out to see me. But I would need you to take care of her and promise me you can be the best dad in the world."

"Kate go, you love basketball and it's a great opportunity, I'll make sure Stella is okay" he smiled "so just four months?" He made sure.

"Yes then everything will go back to normal"

"Okay"

We sat in silence for a moment, he was looking at his phone while I was looking at him. How did we get here? Why are we not together anymore? What did I do wrong for him not to love me ? I did everything I could and I don't get why I'm not good enough.

"Kate" he said softly looking up I didn't even realize that I had let tears fall.

"Can I ask you one more thing?" I asked jack as he shook his head yes "we're did it all go wrong? I always put you first, I moved her for you, I'v put up with so much shit for you and got nothing in return. I gave you my all and you gave me nothing. You went behind my back seeing another girl. Then I catch you and am willing to give you another chance and you chose her, after all we had been though you chose her" I sobbed telling him, I guess at this point I want answers.

"You did nothing wrong. I just.. I don't know I met her and she was different, care free. For so long I couldn't chose between you too. But I knew that wasn't fair." He sighed looking down "I just need to know if your the one for me. If at some point I lose interest in her and know I can give you my 100% then we can go to what we were I just need time"

Okay did I just hear him correctly or did some dumbass take over his body? So let me get this straight, he couldn't chose so he ended up choosing her to spare me? And is just trying it out but when and if he loses interest in her then he thinks he can just have me back? As if it's as easy as that? Like I'm something he can throw away one minute then take me back like nothing happened. I have honestly never been so hurt or angry in my life.

"You don't just get to choose when you want me jack I'm not some toy. Here is your one and only chance, it's me or her" I said sternly after what he just said I'm still giving him an ultimatum.

"Her" he said without thinking. I stood up in frustration, hurt and literally broken. He will regret this someday I know he will.

"One day you'll love me, the way I loved you. One day you'll think of me the way I thought of you. One day you'll cry for me the way I've cried for you. One day you'll want me back" I laughed shaking my head "but jack I won't want you"

He stood there, not saying anything. I couldn't tell what he was feeling but I honestly don't care. I feel a sense of freeness he doesn't want me now then he will never get me. I'm going to North Carolina and am making a promise to myself. It's going to be me and all about me. I'm going to find out who I really am. For now on I am no longer the preachers daughter, or the Vergin Mary, I'm not jack gilinsky's girlfriend or the girl who got pregnant at 17. For now on I'm just Kate Jensen.

"Oh and jack" I said looking back before I got in my car "I fucked Kian last night"  with that I shut my door and drove home, Time to pack.