I Don't Care If Heaven Won't Take Me Back

Chapter Fourty Nine

I don't want to be pregnant anymore.. I don't want to even be alive anymore. My first pregnancy was nothing compared to this. My whole body hurts, I'm embarrassed to say how much weight I have gained, I can't sit down or get up by myself at all, I'm crabby and constantly want to cry and to top it all of were on a fucking tour. Not that I'm upset about that I get its jacks job, it's just hard being in a new bed and different places every other day with a Stella is rough.

"Daddy don't go" Stella cried as jack was getting ready to leave for his show.

"I'll be back in a few hours" he said picking her up placing her on the bed next to me "I need you to stay here and be a big girl to help mommy"

"All mom wants to do is lay down"she cried.

"All mommy can really do right now is lay down" I defended myself as I felt my face get hot meaning the tears were coming.

"Stell go watch tv" jack said picking her up off the bed. She grabbed a blanket, found the remote and started channel surfing "don't cry baby" he said trying to comfort me.

"Well it sucks" I cried "I want to do fun things with her, take her out to eat, show her the cities, but I can't even walk ten feet with out feeling like death"

"Kate it's okay" he said holding me tight "she will be fine, she sees enough with me"

"But I want to show her things.. I want to be the fun parent not you" I said and jack laughed. "Don't laugh at me" I snapped.

"We're both fun, you are just pregnant it's okay to need your rest and not be up all the time"

"We're done after this I hope you know" I said wiping my tears "three kids is enough"

"Okay babe" he kissed me then stood up "Stella I have to go be good for mommy, I'll be back in three hours"

"Bye babe" I waved to him as he left our hotel room.

Stella was wrapped up in a blanket on the floor watching bubble guppies while sucking her thumb. Me and jack really need to work on that with her. I'll I ever see is her thumb in her mouth. She didn't start doing it until a month or so ago and I don't know why. She was never one to have a Nuk and she hasn't used a bottle in about a year so I don't understand why she feels the need to suck on her thumb.

I look at her and can believe she is already so big, I remember when she was just a little baby that I would have to rock to sleep every night. When she would wake up and cry at 3am were my favorites. I would make her bottle then sit in our rocking chair just me and her in peace and quite until she fell asleep. Now she is becoming a so called big girl and isn't even three yet. Now I have two more babies coming, it's crazy to think how much has changed. I have only been with jack for three years and we have built a family in that short period of time. I'm only twenty and I'm about to have three kids. It's crazy how in just a blink of an eye things can change.

"Can I sleep with you mommy" Stella said climbing into bed with me. I looked at the clock thinking it was way to early for bed but was wrong. She watched that whole movie without making a sound while I watched her, it's already been two hours.

"Sure babe" I said as she cuddled in next to me making sure to take all the blankets.

"How old are the babies?" She asked quietly poking my stomach.

"Well they have been in mommies tummy for seven months" I laughed answering her question. It's kinda hard to explain to her that they are zero considering they haven't been born yet.