I Don't Care If Heaven Won't Take Me Back

Chapter Thirty Seven

JACK P.O.V

Have you ever said anything you instantly regretted? I mean the second it came out of your mouth you knew you just fucked everything up? Like when I was a kid and would get in fights with my parents I would always say something that would instantly make my throat close and my face turn bright red because I knew I had said something to set them off and instantly felt the regret. We all do it to our friends, parents, bosses and even the people we love the most like.. Kate. I guess im just fed up that she won't give me another chance even though I know now I have no hope. Not only did I call her a whore, but I called her a bitch and horrible mother, witch none of that is true. The truth is she has more respect for herself then anyone I know, she felt guilty for leaving Stella and is probably the best mother out there for only being 19, as for being a bitch? I don't think I have even seen or heard her speak a bad word of someone. Even when there is a spider in the house she won't let me kill it she makes me scoop it up on a plate and set it free outdoors.

I never should have left her for Madison, hell I never should have cheated on her. The only reason I did it was because I was scared. I tried so long to be this great guy and wanted to be the best dad. Then Stella was born and reality hit. I was a dad and in a serious relationship with my daughters mom. I felt trapped, but not because of Kate or Stella, because of myself. I was jealous Stella got all of Kate's time and I no longer did, that's the way it should be though. So when I met Madison and she found an interest in me i couldn't let it go. I knew the whole time what I was doing was wrong. And new eventually she would find out. I was never good enough for Kate, she always had the amazing looks the perfect grades and that girl who was friends with absolutely everyone. Then there was me, a jock some would say a popular one, I slept with anything that had boobs and could walk and I treated people like shit, I was that kid bringing  people down all the time. So in the last few months when people have asked me where did it all go wrong, I guess I'm figuring out it never really went right. We were never the perfect match, we're not into the same things, she loves coffee I hate it, her favorite color is black where mine is white. She hates mustard but loves ketchup were mine is the opposite. She would have crossed oceans for me, were for a long time I wouldn't have jumped a puddle for her, and that isn't fair. That doesn't mean I don't love her, I'm more in love with her then anyone of you would ever know at times I think I love her more then our daughter and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. The truth is, I don't deserve her, I'm not good enough for her but I'm selfish enough to always want her.

At times like this I wish I would have someone close to me I could turn to for advice. I can't go to Skate or Sammy because they are like brothers to her and instead  of giving me advise they will just tell me how much of a fuck up I have been. There is Johnson but him and Madeline are stuck to each other so let's get real, I confide in him then he tells Madeline and god knows that girl can't keep her mouth shut. So I guess there is only one person left..my dad.

"Hey jack" dad said as he answered his phone, he's my dad I should be Abel to talk to him about anything right?

"Hey" I spoke quietly "can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you can"

"Do you think I'm good enough for Kate.. Do you think I deserve her?"

I heard my dad breath heavily over the phone witch meant he was thinking. I can picture him with his glasses halfway down his nose starring at his hands waiting for the perfect answer. If you were to know him he doesn't speak unless he knows he can back up what he says.

"To be honest" he finally spoke "no I don't.. I think you have put that poor girl through hell the last few months, she stopped her life for you jack. She carried your child, she lost a home and relationship with her family, she gave up collage and all her dreams to move to LA so you could live yours"

"I know" I said quietly now staring at my hands not knowing what to say. He's right everything he's said, he's right. "I said some horrible things to her tonight. Things I didn't mean.. I was angry and the words just slipped out"

"We all say things we don't mean at times" he said quietly trying to comfort me as I feel into a sobbing mess over the phone.

"I lost her dad, I fucked it all up. I lost any chance of us being a family, me her and stella. We were suppose to be happy and I ruined it. And now I have to live with that ever day"

"What was the first thing you asked me when we started this conversation?" My dad asked.

"I asked is I was good enough for her.. If I deserved her"

"And what was my answer?"

"No" I said whipping some tears.

"Just because you might not deserve her, doesn't mean she doesn't deserve you" he said in a calm tone through the phone, as if a lecture is about to be started.

"What is that suppose to mean?" I asked.

"It means that just because neither I or you think you deserve her doesn't mean that she doesn't think she deserves you. Jack I have seen the way that girl looks at you. She looks at you like I use to look at your mother. She sees the world in you and I don't understand how you were so blind to that. You might not deserve or be good enough for her. But in her eyes you are everything she has ever needed or wanted"

"Not anymore"

"I have to get going because there is someone ringing in on other line" he said quickly "but before I go let me give you a word of advice. You two are meant for each other weathers it's now next week or a few years. I believe that someday something is going to bring you two together again, I truly do.."