Broken by kittykat92002

Chapter:30 Little bit broken

Chapter:30 Little bit broken
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( Alex's P.O.V. )

I quickly pulled myself together and quickly turned my eyes away my neck snapping away as quick as possible but it didn't get rid of the burning image if those sick alluring hazel like eyes in my thoughts . I quickly threw up my guards and pulled myself away from North avoiding his eyes as I wrapped my arms shakily around my healing ribs cradling them protectively as I ducked around him quickly wanting nothing more than to feel that safe feeling again , wanting nothing more than for these 9 boys to hide me away from those predatory eyes I feel burning holes into me .

" I-I'm fine North . "

I murmured shakily before ducking around him and forcing a convincing small smile on my lips to the boys who were all now watching me and North walk back to the circle sprawled out onto the grass. I looked for a spare empty spot for me and spotted one between Beckett and Clavin and gently sat on the grass between them bringing my knees to my chest smiling at Calvin as he grinned happily at me and greeted me , but why did it feel so much like a grimace?

Beckett met my eyes from my spot next to him and I knew he saw my grimace and his eyes lost their happy cheeky spark suddenly dimming and growing a shade duller his mouth set in a firm line and I felt him gently press his leg to mine and I looked up at him trying to hide the fear I was truly feeling , and I no longer felt the harsh throbbing pain in my ribs from tripping earlier , all I felt was my skin crawling and I wanted nothing more then to rip it off bit by bit just to get rid of this horrible feeling. I leaned my head against Beckett's shoulder slumping against him slightly tiredly , my body wouldn't relax though and remained tense as my skin pricked and I had a sudden huge urge to scratch it.

The other boys seemed to be to engrossed in their silent conversations with their eyes which they always have done since I've met them , and I can never figure out what they're saying and have learnt to not take it offensively. Beckett noticing this took advantage of it being the only guy not in the silent conversation as I've called it and his worried eyes swim into my view and I pull my head up from his shoulder rubbing my eyes tiredly trying to keep my mind off those haunting hazel eyes but nothing worked.

" What's wrong cupcake? Don't lie please.."

Beckett begged quietly and my heart broke at the sight if his worried eyes and I felt angry at myself for breaking my promise , for making him worry over something as worthless as myself . I didn't deserve his concern let alone anyone's , why did he care? He shouldn't , I'm just me, a plain , boring ,poor, weak ,tiny girl that could barely even support her own family , and had so many dirty secrets on her back that piled higher every day with each lie she told to the ones she loved or cared about , to the ones she interacted with. I trembled slightly as images of those eyes I saw only seconds ago danced behind my eyes tauntingly and I looked at Beckett my lips trembling slightly but forced myself not to lie to him, I couldn't .

"C-C-Cody."

I stuttered quietly feeling sick at the very sound of his name and felt bile rise in my throat and quickly forced myself to swallow . I looked around my eyes darting everywhere nervously , and fearfully terrified I'd see those eyes again , terrified I'd find out that he had heard me and use my fear against me . Touch. Strangers. Two of my fears. And if he found out ....god knows what he'd do...

I began to feel sweat start to bead on my forehead and suddenly felt lightheaded as my breathing came out in harsh shallow breathes.

I felt hands clamp onto my shoulders gently and worried turquoise eyes swam into view , Beckett.

" What about him sugar? He's not here cupcake , there's no need to be afraid of him he's just one of uncles occasional customers , he just looks scary I promise."