Broken by kittykat92002

Chapter:49 Loose Her

Chapter:49 Loose Her
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(Ally's P.O.V.)

It was painfully silent in the hospital room, the only sound was the shallow rugged breathes from Sam as I cradled him in my arms, careful not to move or shift as he has needles and wires poking out of him from everywhere for his chemotherapy.

They had to give him a stronger dose than last time, and I was also told he had to come back in two days time to have it again which broke me even more but Sam was already that dead exhausted from the chemo and lack of sleep and had passed out from the pain and was fast asleep in my arms.

Nurses came in and checked up on us every half hour, and always gave me a look of pity before walking out , which made me feel even more sick. If I hated anything more in the world , it was pity.

I was brought back from my thoughts when Sam stirred slightly in my lap, a soft whimper of pain coming from him as he curled further into me . I cuddled him closer , tears brimming my eyes as I looked down at him, noticing every little insignificant difference that has happened since we moved, and it didn't help the stress of moving to a completely foreign state, house ,school and environment was taking a huge toll on him. No tears fell, as I fought them, I couldn't allow myself to be weak infront of him, it would scare him even more if he saw me crying over him. I had to be strong for him, since he couldn't as he was so ridiculously fragile at the moment , his brain cancer getting worse and worse by the days.

I had hope that he would be as strong as I knew him to be and that he would fight it off and live , that he would enjoy a normal everyday life every child deserves , instead of the burdened one he has . I had hope that he would grow up, and that I could watch him grow up into the beautiful heartbreaker I knew he would be, that I could help him flourish all throughout his life, that he would go to college, get married to his perfect girl and have kids and grow old. It was my only wish in the world, my only hope that he would live the life I never had because he deserves every right to.

I had to have hope, I didn't know what I'd be if I let it all go, all I knew is that I would truly break if I lost it. It was the only thing keeping me above the dark depths , as I clung to it like a lifesaver , because god only knows I needed to.

I looked up at the clock in the awfully bland room and saw it was nearly over , just one more hour, I whispered to myself, forcing my guards back up, adding another brick to my walls. One more hour until I have to go to high school when it's around lunch. One more hour he has to go through chemotherapy, one more hour of pain.

Sam stirred in my arms his eyes wide as he woke up abruptly sitting up in my lap tears falling down his face as he sobbed into my chest. I clutched him as fiercely as he clutched me , fear and hurt filling me, I was confused as to what had happened , as to what had awoken his painfully restless slumber in the otherwise peaceful and eerily silent room.

" You okay, baby? "

I whispered softly, cuddling him closer to me fighting back my own tears. He sobbed again , the sound breaking my already broken heart even more, as he shook his head against my chest. I gently rubbed his back , trying to comfort and calm him, and it worked , as his sobs softened to sniffles as his wide fearful teary eyes looked up at me .

"I'm going to die, aren't i? "

he whispered , and my heart froze in that moment , and I felt a sudden pain fill me as his eyes told me how much he believed so , and it angered me. I cuddled him closer , careful not to hurt or move him to much but i was angry, angry that he wasn't believing, that he had no hope. There was always hope, and he needed to know it before I lost my own.