I do, I need you. #wattys2016

She left.

"Did you find a dress today, Katniss?" Peeta asks as I fumble with the pearl necklace. It's one of those bad days. When I wake from a nightmare and find there's no relief in waking up. My dreams are terrible, all my loved ones are dead. Everyone I know hates me. When I wake I see someone in something I see. Prim in buttercup, Cinna in the receipt for the wedding dress, Finnick in Haymitch's goose pond with fish in it.

Peeta tries to help, all the time. But there's no use. Not even he can break my worst nightmares. I've found one sure thing that can though. Rye. I look at him and realize all the good I've done, how I've helped Panem.

"Katniss?" Peeta says breaking me from my clouded, terrible thoughts.

"What?"  I ask.

"Did you find a wedding dress you liked?" He asks me scooting closer to my body on the plush couch.

"Y-Yeah, didn't you see the receipt?" I ask standing to find it. "It's bit pricey, and I'm sorry. But I need this dress." I tell him straining the use of the word 'need'. I frown at my words. I sound selfish, and needy like a spoiled Capitol citizen. "I can take it back if we need to, but it's really important to me." I struggle to find words.

"Of course it is, you only get married once." I shake my head slowly.

"No, this is a different kind of special." I counter his words with my own.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"C-Cinna made it, it has his signature on the hem of the skirt." I say. "It's beautiful too, I think you'll love it." I smile to myself thinking about our wedding day.

"Well, it's only ten more days until our wedding. Then I can rip that dress right off of you." My cheeks blush as he pulls me close.

"Peeta!" I laugh.

"What? Don't act like it's not true." He kisses my neck. He waits a few seconds. "Well, it's Johanna's birthday today so we have to to help set up. I told them I would, is that okay?"

"Of course." I smile. "Let me go get changed."

"And I'll get a bag for Rye together." I nod as we part ways and I skip stairs into the bedroom.  I pull on one of my nicer lacy shirts before pulling on skinny blue jeans. I look at myself in the mirror, presentable. 

Peeta comes in with Rye and lays him on the bed while he changes. "Have you pumped recently?" He asks. "I think we're running low on bottles downstairs."

"Do you think she'll care if I pump at her house? We don't really have time here." I ask.

"She just had a baby too, she should care." I laugh alone with him and place Rye in the small shawl I carry him in. He falls asleep instantly and Peeta leaves to get my pumping stuff. I carefully walk back downstairs and meet Peeta in the doorway. He intertwines my fingers with his and we start across the lawn.

"I don't know what I would have done if you would have died there in eleven." I smile at him.

"Don't think about that." He whispers. "It's all over now, we're safe."

"We're safe."

***

As we set up for the party, my fingers still spin the small pear necklace in my frail fingers. The nightmares are coming back, the ones from the hijacking. Gradually all day I've been scared to speak with anyone. A hand is laid on my shoulder and I gasp and look up. "Hey you okay?" He asks quietly sitting down next to me.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just been one of those days." I whisper laying my head on his shoulder. "Everything I see reminds me of someone someway."