The College Years (Omeeka)

TKYT: This Is Halloweek

THIS IS HALLOWEEK
posted: 8:32am, October 25
Tags: Fah R.

Good morning my little assholes, do you know what this week is?! It's Halloweek, which of course leads to Halloweekend! I come this morning bearing great news for those who plan to get their spooky on this weekend, that in true Halloweek(end) tradition, starts on Thursday to ensure that #ThirstyThursday is done right and with a little spin. How many of you already have your costumes for the three nights? If you don't, I'm pretty sure you're going to want to get them after I tell you who's throwing the parties that everyone is going to want to go to. Should I finally tell you the weekend schedule that you've all been begging me for after I relentlessly teased you about it (for my own amusement), this past week? I guess that I can't hide it from you assholes any longer so, here it is:

Thursday: As you all know, OYU loves Halloween and has a strange affinity for throwing large events on Thursday nights, and will be throwing the annual Halloween Party Bash at the university barn down by the soccer fields Thursday night. Just like the haunted house earlier this month, the Halloween Party Bash is also very fun and heavily attended. I look forward to see your drunk asses pretending that your beers are carbonated apple ciders before you fall into a stack of hay. Pictures with the university president who always embarrassingly dresses up at Ronald McDonald can be taken upon arrival at the front barn doors, and food and refreshments will be served inside while you drunkenly dance in your sweaty polyester costumes. All classes are invited and costumes are of course encouraged.

Friday: Our favorite fraternity, Phi Delta has officially been taken off of probation and is throwing a Halloween Eve party at their fraternity house. What better way to celebrate a probation drop than by getting put on probation again for doing the exact same thing? There is no better way! Both upper and underclassmen are invited to attend. Costumes aren't mandatory, but encouraged.

Saturday (Halloween): I am happy to FINALLY be able to say this. *Drum roll please* Everyone's favorite sorority, Delta Alpha Kappa has finally decided to open their party doors for Halloween night! You assholes have no idea how long I have been waiting for this! You have have no idea how long we at TKYT have been praying for this (and one of us isn't even down with G-O-D like that). I will now take this opportunity to formally apologize to Fah R., the Delta Alpha Kappa Queen B herself for throwing the extra amount of shade I have been throwing at her lately. Many of you would even say that I have actually been throwing the entire proverbial tree. I would like to say that I was just upset that you weren't opening your sorority mansion to us regular people to get drunk and pass out on one of your plush white couches or pristine marble bathroom floors. I have actually forgotten the last time I have thrown up in a Delta Alpha Kappa bathroom or hooked up in one. This is not okay. Why? The women of Delta Alpha Kappa and both the Delta Alpha Kappa and Phi Delta chapters are the very reason that this blog exists and has existed for the past 10 years. It is also why, after I graduate next semester, the TKYT writing throne will be passed down to my most deserving spy, just like it was passed down to me. But enough walking down memory lane, the party is for both lower and upperclassmen students which is a first for the sorority, but I guess the Queen B wanted to be more inclusive this year. Costumes are a MUST and there will be candy served in that beautiful grand fucking foyer that I've missed so much.

What else is happening this weekend? Besides that impending snow storm coming on Sunday, the Best Halloween House Contest is announcing its winner Friday afternoon! My spies and I have wandered around each sorority and fraternity house and our bet is on either Delta Alpha Kappa, Phi Delta, or Tau Sigma Kappa this year (what else is new?). Don't forget that the winning chapter wins $500 cash to do as they please. We can't wait to see who wins! Enjoy your Sundays you spooky little whores, stay warm, and be on your best behavior!

P.s.- Make sure that you are not one of the losers not wearing a costume on any of these three nights. I will have my spies take pictures of you and anonymously post them around campus just to embarrass you so, DON'T BE THAT BITCH.

- The Knew Your Times

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This was of course just an intro to the next five Halloween themed chapters. The next actual chapter, Halloweek (Part 1) will be up this week (either Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday). I have chosen the costumes I'm using for Nicki (and Sherika, Thembi, and Candi), from those of you who gave me suggestions a while back. I would say which, but you'll just have to see what I picked! The next chapter will start on Tuesday, October 27th so, welcome to Halloweek 🎃☠👻. Thanks for reading and being patient you guys. Please vote/comment!