The College Years (Omeeka)

Five Feet Deep

👋🏾 *Throws up fluff* 😊

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FIVE FEET DEEP
posted: 8:20am, November 3
Tags: no tags

Happy Tuesday, assholes. Welcome to November 3rd, the day that should have been declared the second snow day of the year. I mean, really. Has anyone looked or stepped outside? According to the weather channel, our area received quite a dumping over the past 36 hours. A full five feet and nine inches! So, why did the university only cancel 8am classes today and not ALL classes? I don't know, you tell me.

I, for one, am not having it. I'm currently supposed to be attending an 8:30am class this morning, but strangely find myself in my bed and in the same place that I finished the entire family sized Dorito bag alone last night. To those of you loyal assholes who responded to my Dorito flavor question yesterday morning and stated that Cool Ranch is the better flavor, you are absolutely and completely incorrect. Nacho Cheese wins, and should always win, but if you disagree, it doesn't matter because it's nacho cheese, it's mine! Ha, see what I did there? Anyway, the forecast for today includes being extra cold with a slight chance of depressing, and when it's like this, I make sure to keep my bottles of sangria close by my side.

While I obviously have no stories for you today (because campus remained dry during the storm), I'll tell you what I do have: embarrassing photos and facts about those of you daring (stupid) souls who decided to not listen to my warnings about not wearing a costume during Halloweekend this past weekend. You thought I forgot didn't you? You should know by now that I never forget and never go back on my word. So, as of 7:30 this morning, while a majority of you were still in your beds, my spies were working. Working to put up those embarrassing and compromising pictures and facts of you brave, Halloween-spiritless souls around our beautiful campus. Some of you may be wondering how this works. Well, from the very day that you all set foot on this campus as clueless freshmen, desperate sophomores, or even stocky juniors, TKYT has been gathering information and pictures of you, both good and embarrassingly bad. Your files are as thick as the many hours you've spent on the OYU campus. So, obviously, some files are thicker than others. Also, I'm not particularly fond of all of you which means that some files are also a little more...compromising than others. Can't say I didn't warn ya!

Getting back to my first point, if you are also upset that classes weren't cancelled today, let me remind you that this week is actually a fun week for OYU! Besides the embarrassing pictures now posted around campus, our D1 basketball team starts their season tomorrow with a home game against our number one rival, White Plains U! Also, friday is our annual Governor's Ball dance! So, make sure to get ahold of your fanciest dresses and monkey suits! Tickets for both events are now on sale in the student center building. DON'T MISS OUT.

Well, it looks like we'll be seeing a lot of each other this week, assholes, and I have absolutely no problem with that- all that I ask is that you be on your best behavior ;)

P.S.- If you are being responsible today and have decided to actually attend class on this supposed to be snow day, pat yourself on the back, this third glass of sangria is for you. Cheers, bitches.

- The Knew Your Times

With her palm carrying the weight of her pretty head, Nicki's dark and tired eyes looked around the almost empty classroom of her music studies class in boredom. Even though she had only been sitting in the back of the classroom for about forty minutes leaving thirty-five minutes left in the session, Nicki felt like she had been there for hours. The many rows of tables usually seated by students, now mostly empty, did little to help her not wish that she was in bed cuddled up with Meek instead of sitting next to him in the almost vacant classroom while their red headed teacher, wearing an indigo and green striped blazer paired with a red pencil skirt with tiny blue walruses printed along the figure hugging fabric continued her lecture. The handful of other students in the classroom looked just as bored as she as they stared up at the PowerPoint presentation displayed against whiteboard at the front of the classroom.