Temporary {Camren}

Chapter 38

"You need to find out what's wrong with Chancho cause I can't get it out of her for the life of me and there ain't a lot of it left after that." Dinah huffed as she plopped herself on the bed making Lauren laugh. "Don't fall asleep on me, we're watching Lion King next." Lauren winked and Dinah gasped and clapped her hands excitedly before Lauren left the room to find Camila on the stairs with tears running down her face. "I get Dinah, sorta, but if you don't tell me I'll be insulted." Lauren teased her. Camila just looked at her wife and her bottom lip trembled. "Babe no, I didn't mean to make you upset. Talk to me Camz." Lauren said as she wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into her side. "It's hard recently, I get scared a lot. I get scared of like anything and everything." Camila admitted quietly. "Your anxiety." Lauren figured. "Are you taking your pills?" "My doctor just stopped prescribing me them and I ran out so I can't do anything about it." Camila whimpered. "I overanalyse everything even more, I get so terrified and then you were just suddenly going and-" "And because I was going away for a week your head had convinced you that I was leaving you for good." Lauren realised and her wife nodded miserably. "Lauren I was so scared, and I'm still scared. It's hell, I need my pills Lolo, I'm going crazy." Camila clawed desperately at her head and whimpered. Lauren took her wrists and pinned them down to her sides. "Don't do that, I'll take you private and we'll get them again, I'll take care of it. I'll take care of you." Lauren promised sweetly and kissed Camila's nose. The action calmed the frantic Cuban down instantly and she stared into the same emerald eyes she falls in love with more everyday. "I'm so sorry I interrupted your week with Dinah. If I can get my pills tomorrow while you're at chemo then I can leave you guys for your week if you want." Camila said. Dinah came out and sat next to her. "No, don't be silly, I like having you here Chancho. You don't have to go, having you here too made me miss the both of you and all of us, this works for me if it works for you." Dinah smiled, Camila looked up at her and offered the Polynesian a small smile back. "That's settled then." Lauren smiled and pressed a kiss to her wife's temple. "I can't sleep anymore.." Camila mumbled as she leant her head on Dinah's shoulder. "It's okay mama." Lauren smiled at her gently and moved the hair out of her face. "You'll sleep with me tonight just like you always do and Dinah and I will make absolutely sure you sleep good. Won't we Di?" Lauren looked at her best friend who instantly nodded and rubbed her friend's arm. "Yeah of course we will." Camila was flattered, but she decided she would leave them be tomorrow as soon as she got her pills. They needed their time and Camila had to learn to be without Lauren for a short/long to her, period of time. Because let's face it, it wasn't necessarily reasonable to have Lauren by her side every single second of the day. Everyone needs their space and their down time, Lauren included. Camila understood that, but she already ruined today for them and she felt the relentless anxiety creeping into the front of her mind again. "You didn't ruin our day babe." Lauren reassured her. "Oh..I said that out loud?" Camila mumbled shyly. "Yes, and you have nothing to be sorry for, before you even try to apologise." Lauren said. "I guess. But can I say it for my own peace of mind?" "Sure Mila." Dinah interjected, knowing Lauren wouldn't let it lie and Camila needed to say it. "I'm sorry for ruining your day." You di-" "It's fine." Dinah interrupted Lauren. "Thanks Dinah. Lauren's always so stubborn." Camila smirked. "Am not." Lauren grumbled. "Are too." Camila retorted playfully. "Am not!" Lauren whined. "Are too." Dinah agreed with Camila. "Fuck you both." Lauren huffed and stood up. "Oooooh she's mad." Dinah chuckled. "Shut up Cheechee." Camila put a hand over her mouth. "What? Can you get off me?" Dinah muffled behind her hand. "Look at her." Camila pointed as Lauren walked away and her friend could see her shaking hands. "Lo are you feeling okay girl?" Dinah asked, tearing Camila's hand away from her. "Hm?" Lauren quickly turned around and linked her hands together to hide their shaking. "You're shaking." Camila said gently. "I'm just tired, and I'm a bit cold." Lauren said. "No you're nervous. You're biting your lip, and you only do that when you're turned on-" "Ew Mila TMI." Dinah cringed at the thought of her best friend like that. "Or if you're nervous or concentrating on something, but that's not it, what are you worried about?" Camila asked. "Di can I have a word?" Lauren mumbled. "It's not personal baby." She added as quick as a flash but Camila could guess what it was about. "It's fine, I don't care about personal or not, I think I might know what it is, as long as you feel okay then I feel okay." Lauren smiled weakly at her and nodded. Dinah got up and took her best friend's hand, leading her into the bedroom. "What's up? You're shaking even more than the Penguins in Antarctica." Dinah smirked at her own joke. "I uh..I've sorta been having these..like, flashbacks." Dinah's smile dropped and she rubbed Lauren's arm. "About my boss, what he did?" Lauren nodded. "It doesn't matter anyway. I guess I thought you'd understand but it was stupid." Lauren rambled. "No I do, I do understand." Dinah said as soon as Lauren finished her sentence. "I just, it won't go away and I don't know how to make it or even how to tell Camz." She started to get upset. "Shh, don't stress yourself out. I know you won't like this idea, and it really sucked before, but it helped right?" "I'm not going back to therapy." Lauren said through gritted teeth. "C'mon, don't you want to get rid of them?" Dinah questioned, knowing the obvious answer. "I hated it. I'm not going through that again." "I know you hate to admit it but it helped. It did and you know it." "No, not again D." Lauren outright refused. "Fine. In fact I've got a better idea.." "What?" Lauren asked, now dreading the next words to come out of her mouth. "A support group." "Dinah," Lauren sighed. "No seriously, we can both go. We don't even have to say anything we can just listen. We're not alone and when you see that you'll hopefully feel better." Lauren thought about it for a few moments before she nodded hesitantly. "Yeah..okay, I'm in." Dinah smiled and opened her arms for a hug. "Thanks." Lauren mumbled into her chest. "Anything for you Laur. It'll help us both, it'll be good for us in the long run." Lauren nodded to her best friend and squeezed her in the hug. "I don't know what I did to deserve you." The Latina sighed contentedly. "Can I come in now?" Camila called out. "Sure thing snoopy." Dinah smirked. "What's up bitch?" Lauren teased. "Hey! That's not nice!" Camila pouted. "Dinah said snoopy and he's a dog and I was just following through with the dog thing, you know like female-" "I got it, I was kidding." Camila rolled her eyes. "Oh." Lauren blushed. "My bad." "Stupid." Dinah hit her arm. "Stop that." Camila pulled her wife away from her and let her instinctively cuddle into her body. "Lion King?" Camila said and grabbed the remote. "Wait lemme get my Nala!" Lauren rushed out of the room with Dinah closely following behind. "Oh me too, I need my Simba!" Camila giggled as she watched the pair run. "You two are such children." Camila smirked as soon as the girls returned with their toy cubs clutched to their chests. "Shut up. You're just jealous you don't have a lion too." Lauren retorted quickly, poking her tongue out at her. "Whatever! Just play the film already!" Dinah grinned. "Okay okay, geez." Camila laughed and pressed play. Lauren cuddled up with Dinah while Camila lay her head on her lap as they watched the intro. Lauren reached down with one arm to play with Camila's hair, the Cuban sighed breathily. "Don't babe, I'll fall asleep." She mumbled. Lauren moved to lightly stroke her arm instead and Camila smiled. "Is this any better?" Camila hummed in agreement with a smile on her face. "Okay." Lauren smiled and looked over at Dinah who was intensely watching the film. "I can't look, I hate this scene." Dinah buried her head in Lauren's hair who did the same thing. "It's just a lion animation, a plot, it's a film you guys." Camila said pointedly. "Shut up!" Lauren and Dinah chorused together. Camila smiled to herself and stretched our before standing up. "Are you going somewhere?" Dinah asked, peeping out of Lauren's hair. "To pee. If that's alright with you, Dinah." Camila smirked. "Whatever, just don't pee too loud." Dinah muttered. "Ew, Dinah." Camila cringed as she walked out to the bathroom. "Do you listen to everyone pee?" Lauren teased. "The bathroom is right next to the bedroom, sometimes if Mani's really tired she'll leave the door open and-" "OKAYYY, NEVER MIND!" Lauren interrupted. Dinah laughed and continued to watch the film. "I'm kinda craving popcorn, where did you put it?" "It's in the kitchen, cupboard on the left side." Dinah said without looking away from the screen. "Kay Kay, sweet, salty or butter?" "Butter." Dinah said with a yawn. "Tired?" Lauren chuckled. "Psh, no." Lauren giggled, hopped off the bed and headed downstairs, her wife was sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter alone. "Camz?" Camila looked back at the girl and smiled shyly. Lauren gave a small smile back and sat next to her. "Is everything okay baby? We thought you just went to the bathroom." "Yeah yeah I'm fine. I'm just, you know, being me, overthinking." Camila said with a sigh. "What are you thinking about?" Camila shrugged hesitantly and rested her chin in her palms. "Everything." "Okay, tell me one thing. Maybe if you talk about stuff it'll ease up in your head." Lauren offered. "Do you, do you remember my last words I said to my dad?" Camila stuttered. Lauren's smile dropped and she lay a hand over her wife's. "He said some bad stuff to you Camz." "But the last thing I said to him was that I hated him. That's not what somebody, it's not what anybody should ever hear before they die, no matter what they've done. No one deserves to die hated." "But you didn't know you wouldn't see him alive again after that. I do remember your words, but I remember his too. Don't you?" "No..I repressed them. I just feel so..so guilty, I mean should I feel this bad?" Lauren really wanted to tell her wife, to remind her of the things that her father said to her the last time they spoke. Camila shouldn't feel this bad at all, especially after the horrible ways he treated his daughter, Alejandro didn't even deserve Camila thinking of him. "I have no right to tell you how you feel Camila." Lauren answered smoothly. "Only you know what you feel." Camila sighed. "If you remember what my father said to me, can you tell me?" "I don't think it's a good ide-" "Oh please Lauren. If you really want me to stop hating myself for what I said to him then at least give me a reason not to, please?" Lauren took a deep breath in and stood up. "Just tell me." Camila pleaded but Lauren ignored her pleas for her own good and went to the cupboards. "Lauren." "I came down here for popcorn." She said as she got it out of the cupboard, not looking at her wife who had gone around the counter to talk to her. "I want to know!" "Did she say sweet or was it butter?" "Stop avoiding it." Camila groaned. "Did you hear what she asked for?" Lauren asked ignoring her again. "No but can you just listen-" "I'll go butter, everyone likes butter." She said as she put it in the microwave. "Can you get the bowl?" "I'm trying to talk to you!" Camila said harshly. "Fine I'll get it." Lauren rolled her eyes and moved past her. "Lauren Michelle!" Camila shouted making her stop. "What?" "Tell me what he said." Camila said firmly. "I can't do that to you Camz." "Why not?" "It's better that you don't remember.." Lauren said softly, Camila gulped. "Really? It was that bad?" Lauren nodded reluctantly. "I still want to know, I have a right to know. I have a choice." Camila said as Lauren carefully pouted the popcorn into the bowl. "So do I." Lauren said as she threw away the package and picked up the warm bowl of the buttery treat. "I have a choice too, and I'm choosing not to tell you." "That's not fair." "Life isn't fair Camila, and I'm only thinking of you. I'm doing what's best for you-" "How do you know what's best for me?" Camila hissed. "I have no idea what he said and if I'm going to move on from this then I have to know!" "No! Because it'll only be two steps forward and three steps back Camila!" Lauren argued and Dinah came downstairs to see what the raised voices were. "Uh..guys?" Lauren and Camila looked at Dinah. "What is it? What's up?" "Lauren here, won't tell me what my father said to me before he passed. I need to know." "It'll hurt you Camila, I promise it's better you don't know." "You can't make that decision for me, only I can." "Mila Lauren would tell you if she thought it was right, I do honestly think she's trying to protect you." "I don't need protecting Lauren! I'm not a little girl anymore!" "Oh. Yes you are!" Lauren scoffed. "I'm not! Give me one thing that proves that!" She demanded clenching her fists. "Right there. Look it's exactly what you're doing right now. You hit me before-" "Shut up! Now you let that go. Why are you bringing that shit up again?" "You asked for a reason and there it is, only kids do that, adults can control their temper." "Oh I'll show you temper!" Camila lunged for the girl smacking the bowl out of her hands, Lauren screamed but Dinah was quick to stand in her way to prevent anything else from happening. "Don't you even think about hurting her." "She wants little kid, I'll fucking give her little kid!" Camila screamed as she tried to get to Lauren with balled fists of fury and hurt. "Hey Rambo! Get the fuck out of here and take a walk to cool off!" Lauren watched breathing heavily as Camila stated at her with empty, angry, almost hateful eyes. Where was the love in them? Camila took a deep breath and made the better decision and walked out, slamming the door behind her. Lauren shook in her place and her shaky hand went to her mouth as she let out a cry. She was in a state of shock, was Camila really going to hit her again? "Shh it's okay." Dinah said as she cradled the girl. Lauren was too numb to speak. She stared at the door, time seemed to go slower, and all she could feel was Dinah holding her. All she was trying to do was protect the girl that she loved, and Camila was going to repay that by possibly hitting her wife for the second time.